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Topic: Business
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-06-2003 02:42 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
When I managed a chemical plant,I instituted a rule that there
would be no playing games on our computers.So I wouldn't be
a hypocrite,I had an information technologist get rid of all the
games on my laptop.Therefore I was surprised to find my own
grandson playing solitaire on it one weekend.I asked if he had
loaded the game...
"No," he answered,"it was already there.It was just hidden,,,
taken off the main menu."
On Monday I chided our information technologist for not getting
rid of the game."But," he explained,"I thought I just had to
keep it away from *you* - not from a nine-year-old!" ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-06-2003 03:23 PM
Rated G Charlie in Cleveland
One of the workers at that furniture warehouse was a bookkeeper named Renfril. he was a bland, mousy man,the kind whose clothing never got louder than beige.But he had one accomplishment that the other workers constantly referred to. Renfril was the Cal Rifken of the warehouse-- he hadn't missed a day's work since he began in 1972.In fact, he'd never shown up later than 8:55 in all that time.
So it was a shock to everyone when his seat was empty one morning. Word buzzed rapidly around the office that he hadn't even called.The whole place watched the clock -- 9:15, 9:30, 9:45, and still no Renfril.
When he finally came through the door at five to ten,the manager was right there waiting for him. Renfril's suit was rumpled, his shirt had dirt stains on it, and his hair was mussed.
"Sorry, sir," he said to the manager. "I tripped on the way out of my apartment. Fell down a whole flight of stairs. I even lost consciousness for a while. My neighbors said it looked like I was dead."
"A flight of stairs?" the manager said. "And this took you a whole hour?"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-07-2003 07:37 AM
Rated G Lorraine
Cost Cutting Measures Effective Immediately
Due to the current financial status of the company, employees are encouraged to adopt the following cost cutting measures.
Lodging:
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends
while on business travel.If weather permits,public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites.Bus terminals,
train stations,and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods
of inclement weather.
Transportation:
Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport.Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus
transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel.Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme
circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example,if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle,but the lower fare can be
obtained by traveling to Detroit,then travel to Detroit will be
substituted for travel to Seattle.
Meals:
Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such as Hickory Farms, General Nutrition centers, and, Costco, Sam’s stores etc. often provide free samples of promotional items.Entire meals can be obtained in this manner.Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous roots,berries,and other protein sources available at their destinations. If restaurants must be utilized,travelers should use "all you can eat" salad bars.This is especially effective for employees traveling together as one plate can be used to feed the entire group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel.Cans of
tuna fish,Spam,and Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure
without the necessary bother of heating or costly preparation.
Miscellaneous:
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in
effort to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has
already suggested that money could be raised during airport
layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees
prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping
others with their luggage.Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-09-2003 04:22 PM
Rated G Becky
For two years I managed a group of musicians who proudly labeled
themselves "the loudest rock 'n' roll band in L.A." One night,
during a particularly rowdy and raucous rehearsal, the boys took a break.
Rubbing one ear, the lead singer asked, "Hey, are you guys losing your hearing?"
The bass player shrugged and, pointing to his forehead,replied,
"Well,maybe just a little on top."
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