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Author Topic: Business Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-29-2003 10:02 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A man walks into a restuarant but is told by the maitre'd that there will be at least a half an hour wait and would he like to wait in the bar. He goes into the bar and the bartender says,"What'll it be?" The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist." The bartender squints at him for a few seconds,then smiles and says,"Once upon time was *four* little pigs..."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-29-2003 10:06 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Seen on a bakery delivery truck: Cakes 66 cents-- Upsidedown cakes 99 cents.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-29-2003 04:12 PM                        Rated G Angry employer : "You should've been here at 9 o'clock!" Late employee : "Why? What happened?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-30-2003 02:53 PM                        Rated G           A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?" Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "Probably a crowbar."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-30-2003 02:54 PM                        Rated G The company president called a meeting of the entire office staff. When all had assembled and come to order, he opened with, "Is there any new business?" The vice-president sobbed, "My wife is leaving me for my former best friend." The office manager wailed, "My husband took all our money and ran off with the baby sitter!" The personnel director cried, "I'm going to have to file bankruptcy!" An office clerk moaned, "My wife wants to have a seventh baby!" The company president rolled his eyes and said, "What I MEANT was, 'Is there any new business concerning THIS business!'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-30-2003 02:55 PM                        Rated G In the small, family-owned electronics store in Spokane, Wash., where I work, we often get folks from out of town whose idioms are a little different from our own. One day, after parking across the street in an attended lot, a young woman came in, made her purchase, and then asked, "Do you give validation?" Without batting an eye, my manager replied, "You are an excellent person, and I love your hair."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-30-2003 02:58 PM                        Rated G "It was in this week in 1927, that Henry Ford unveiled his successor to his Model T, which he called the Model A. Ford was a marketing genius; he knew the secret to selling this to American men: T & A."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-02-2003 09:28 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee As a convenience store manager,I witness (on a daily basis) customers having problems following directions on the pumps, customers who can't find items when they are standing directly in front of them,slow customers, customers in a hurry,friendly customers,rude customers..... However,the customer that never ceases to amaze me is the one who pumps $10 worth of fuel into their tank, comes in and grabs a can of soda,approaches the counter,and when I state that their total is $10.75,asks if I got the gas.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-03-2003 03:41 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee What! No union???? Sign posted in the lunchroom at work: ATTENTION ALL EMPLOYEES NEW INCENTIVE PLAN WORK OR GET FIRED  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-04-2003 03:45 PM                        Rated G Some of my friends started a company built around an innovative idea for an online business.A debate broke out about what to name the venture."We have to call it Imagination," one passionate participant cried out. Everyone thought the idea over for a minute,and then a voice of reason replied,"Are you sure you want your business card to read 'Imagination Limited'?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-04-2003 04:05 PM                        Rated PG Becky [/b] The local grocery store in a small town had only three workers: The Manager/Owner The General Manager/Sales Rep./Clerk ... and the new guy who was being trained to operate the store in the absence of the Owner or General Manager. One day,after quite some time of training,as the General Manager was still patiently explaining how to maintain the books each end of the day to the new employee,the new guy finally got everything right and the books came out straight without a single flaw.The General Manager called this to the attention of the owner of the store. "You see,Paul has the capabilities that we expected of him!" "Well done,Paul," said the owner,"I will now entrust you with my business!" Later,Paul told the General Manager,"But it was YOU that did most of the work that I learned from! Why did you give the credit to me??" "Because," said the General Manager,"it's not what I can gain from my knowledge,or money... but what I've learned from life itself that's helped me." "Huh?" Paul asked,confused. "When I give advice,and it's taken,I get satisfaction. When I get knowledge from others and pass it along,I receive thanks. When I teach new things to people and see the enlightenment on their faces as they see new concepts,there is going to be a smile on my face..... ...but after tomorrow,when I'm done taking the day off from work to go fishing,and you have done the books without my help,the look on the owner's face will be PRICELESS!!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-09-2003 12:18 PM                        Rated G I was examining cantaloupes at the grocery store and turned to the produce clerk,who was refilling the bins."Choosing a cantaloupe is like picking a mate for marriage,"I observed casually."A person has no idea what he's getting until it's too late." He said nothing at first, but as I walked to the next aisle, he called after me,"I know. I've had three cantaloupes."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-10-2003 02:39 PM                        Rated G In the wake of the Exxon/Mobile deal and the AOL/Time Warner implode, I wanted to make a few close friends and family aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.Watch for these consolidations in early 2003 and make yourself a bundle: 1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics,Fuller Brush, and W.R.Grace Co.will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace. 2. Polygram Records,Warner Bros.,and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:Poly,Warner Cracker 3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as:MMMGood 4. Zippo Manufacturing,Audi Motors,Dofasco and Dakota Mining will merge and become:ZipAudiDoDa. 5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitorUPS,and become:FedUP. 6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild. 7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:Poupon Pants. 8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW! That's all for now. Invest wisely..............  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-12-2003 01:30 PM                        Rated G Captain Silver At one ad agency,a guy in production was fired when they discovered he was The Xerox Flasher.Every morning,he xeroxed his privates,made copies and left them in the secretaries desks. The boss said "Hell, he's the only person in the building who isn't guilty of false advertising!" His secretary said "Well, not exactly." He said "Oh God! Don't tell me!" She said "Yes, sir. He was using the enlarger."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-12-2003 01:32 PM                        Rated G When Suzy and I went down to the Georgia coast a couple of months ago,we decided to stay in one of those quaint little bed & breakfasts. The clerk asked me if we wanted a room with a shower or a tub. "What's the difference?" I asked. "Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down."  |  IP: Logged

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