my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Business (Page 27)

This topic comprises 78 pages: 1  2  3  ...  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  ...  76  77  78

Author Topic: Business Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-12-2003 06:40 AM                        Rated G A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he waks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-13-2003 02:47 PM                        Rated G Michele The strict and unsmiling manager noticed that the suggestion box was missing from the wall beside the time clock. He began to ask around to see who knew what had become of it. "You!" he yelled at one of his employees. "Where's the suggestion box?" "I don't personally know, Sir," the employee responded. "But the office gossip is that it's under your desk, wired, and ticking."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-13-2003 02:50 PM                        Rated G Michele Two women were standing in a Victoria's Secrets store when the sales woman noticed that that one woman's breasts were uneven ....puzzled by this, she asked her why. The one lady says that her husband can't go to sleep without one of her breasts in his mouth. The sales woman said,"Well,neither can mine and my breasts are both the same size." The woman then proceeded to tell the sales woman,"yeah but I bet you don't sleep in twin beds."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-14-2003 05:14 PM                        Rated G Jill asked Nina to pick her up at the mechanics after she dropped her car off to have some work done on it. Nina asked, "Is this mechanic any good? I have had such a hard time finding one that I can trust to fix my car." "Oh yes," said Jill "I was worried too when I first brought my car here that he might try to rip me off, but I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-15-2003 07:02 AM                        Rated G The pretty blonde cashier at the Giant Grocery Store told her manager she needed some time off to rest-up because she wasn't looking her best. "Nonsense!" he said, "You look fine!" "No way!!!" replied the blonde. "The men are beginning to count their change now."  |  IP: Logged Bill Gabel Film God Posts: 3873 From: Technicolor / Postworks NY, USA Registered: Jan 2002 posted 06-17-2003 12:13 PM                     The Perfect Employee? Rated PG Letter from supervisor to the boss of the top company 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work at his desk. He works indenpendently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always 5 finishes given assignment on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee 7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound 9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be 10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be 11 dispensed with. Consequently, I recommend that Bob be 12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13 executed as soon as possible. Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-19-2003 07:36 AM                        Rated G Have you ever found yourself just blurting out something & wondering where it came from? Well, sometimes it happens to me. Take last night for example... There was a guy here, selling satellite tv service. He explained the pros & cons of satellite vs cable and was trying to get me to switch to satellite. He told me to go check out the neighbor's programming pointing to my ex's place, 2 doors down. He said, "Go check out her setup." Before I knew it, I said, "I already have...I used to be married to her." The poor guy started snickering & could hardly finish his sales pitch.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-19-2003 07:37 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee Window Washer There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, "What do you do for a living?" He said, "I'm a former window washer." I asked, "When did you give it up?" He replied, "Halfway down."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 08:04 AM                        Rated G : Lorraine Two writers met. One of them asked the other, "What's the matter with you? You look so downtrodden." "Yes, something awful happened." "What's that?" "My son burned the manuscript of my latest novel." "Your son? How old is he?" "Three." "Oh, it's amazing, that young and already he can read!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 08:13 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee In a small town the farmers of the community had gotten together todiscuss some important issues.About midway through the meeting, the wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece. One old farmer stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has." Quick as a flash the woman replied, "Take off your boots asshole and count them!!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 03:27 PM                        Rated G One day in the grocery store, a young man was following me up and down the aisles, watching what I bought. Finally, he came up to me and explained that he was a college student buying his own groceries forthe first time. I smiled and told him I was flattered and that he could watch me and maybe learn something. At the cold food counter, however, he was confused when I picked up a carton of eggs and popped up thelid to look inside. "What," he whispered, "are we looking for?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2003 07:44 AM                        Rated G Monty: Sir, my wife insisted that I ask you for a raise. Boss: In that case, I'll ask my wife if I should give you one.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2003 10:15 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee And Furthermore..... A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble in getting a certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and wrote the merchant a threatening letter. He received the following reply: "Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to pay on my accounts.Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many bills out of the hat as I have money to pay.If you don't like my way of doing business,I won't even put your bills in the hat."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2003 12:37 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee "May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous young woman asks the manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replies."Maybe it'll attract business."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2003 12:44 PM                        Rated G Contrary to popular belief, used-car salesmen are fairly honest with their customers.It's usually a condition of their parole.  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 78 pages: 1  2  3  ...  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  ...  76  77  78

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.