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Author Topic: Business Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-01-2005 02:03 PM                        Rated G Betsy To the woman who was applying for a job as a typist,the employer said:"You have plenty of speed and are good at spelling,but do you understand the importance of punctuation?" "Oh yes," the woman replied "I always get to work on time."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-04-2005 05:25 PM                        Rated G Complaining loudly,a customer arrived at the service department where my brother works. She told the manager the emergency brake cables in her car had just been replaced, but the brake still didn't work. It was checked, and everything appeared normal. Nevertheless, the woman continued her harangue. Finally the mechanic pulled the release to check under the hood. "There, you see?" the woman exclaimed. "When you release the brake, the hood opens!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-16-2005 01:39 PM                        Rated G CALLING IN SICK Negotiations between the union and management were at an impasse. The union continually denied that its members abused the company's sick leave policy. At the bargaining table one day, management's chief negotiator held aloft the Sports section out of yesterday's local paper. There on the front page was a photo of a man who had just won a local golf tournament. "This employee," cried the negotiator, "called in sick yesterday!" A thick silence fell over the room for some moments. Finally, one union negotiator cleared his throat and said, "Well, just think what his score would have been if he hadn't been sick...."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-16-2005 01:42 PM                        Rated G Today's supermarket sells almost everything,but if you find automobile tires among the groceries,you're in the wrong place. That's the drugstore.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2005 04:56 PM                        Rated R I recently checked into a hotel in Vegas on a business trip and started to feel a bit lonely so I decided to get a call girl. I picked up the phone and called the number I got from the cab driver. "Hello?" the woman says. "Hi, are you nasty? I want nasty. I want it hard and fast. I'm talking kink all night. You name it we'll do it. Bring equiptment, bring toys. You do me and I'll do you--all night. Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in anything. How does that sound?" She says, "Umm, Sir? For an outside line you need to press 9."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2005 05:01 PM                        Rated G One of the unmarried girls who works in a busy office arrived early the other morning, and began passing out cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons. When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a diamond solitaire on her third finger, left hand and announced, "It's a boy........six feet tall and 187 pounds."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2005 04:49 PM                        Rated G Nina My work place is usually a Fun Place Easy Going and a Look Foward type to go to everyday. Today however was different.Our manager was in a very serious and no joking mood (understandably enough after we had the line-up meeting) I was working hard and and in a much faster pace. One of my co-worker came to me and told me my daughter is on the phone, I wanted to tell him that I am way too busy to talk, but I was waiting for her call.I ran all the way up front,away from my manager where he cant see me. As I was picking up the reciever I heard my manager yelling out my name. I only had enough time to tell my daughter that I have to call her back later on,gotta go! On my way back my manager told me my daughter is on line 1!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-01-2005 04:02 PM                        Rated G A university student, I was working for the summer as a tree planter in Maine. One night my sleep was disturbed by a noise outside my tent. A black bear! Being an old hand at camping, I rattled a spoon in a cup. The black bear moved to the tent next to mine. "Hey, Nick!" My neighbor called out. "It's a black bear!" "Don't worry," I replied. "Just keep rattling your cup." "C-c-cup?" He stammered. "That's my t-t-teeth!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-05-2005 11:32 AM                        Rated G At a job interview, an aspiring applicant was asked a question in an attempt to gain insight into his personality: "If you could spend an evening conversing with anybody living or dead, whom would you choose?" He responded, without pausing a moment, "The living one."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-02-2005 02:17 PM                        Rated G Survey There was this marketing woman interviewing people on the street and had stopped a guy and was asking him a series of questions which went like this..... Which shaving cream do you use? "Baba's." Which after shave do you use? "Baba's." Which deorderant do you use? "Baba's." Which toothpaste do you use? "Baba's" Which shampoo do you use? "Baba's." Which soap do you use? Baba's." Finally, a bit frustated, the interviewer asked, Ok, tell me, what is this 'Baba' product line? Is it an international or foreign company? The guy replies "No Baba is my room-mate"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-11-2005 07:00 PM                        Rated G A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!" The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 05:33 AM                        Rated G Connie Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a friendly jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him.....his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day he stormed through the door and announced angrilly, "Someone just picked my pocket." Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, excep for one who blurted out,"How could anyone stoop so low?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 10:29 AM                        Rated G I went into McDonalds yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries". The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that"?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 03:02 PM                        Rated G Volvo has unveiled an auto designed by women for women called the YCC, 'Your Concept Car.' Among its cutting-edge femifeatures: - Turn signals that are able to change their mind at the last minute. - An OnStar satellite tracking system that can locate, on command, all retail outlets within 500 miles - Permanent press fenders. - A dashboard voice console that's programmed to ask strangers for directions. - Side mirrors that make the driver appear slimmer than she actually is.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-14-2005 05:46 AM                        Rated G Lorraine A disgruntled customer returned to our store a few days after she had bought a cordless phone from me. She demanded her money back. "What seems to be wrong with it?" I asked. "It cuts out every time I get about two or three blocks away from my house," she replied. "Perhaps," I suggested, "I could interest you in a cellular phone instead?"  |  IP: Logged

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