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Author Topic: Business Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-22-2005 01:04 PM                        Rated G A waiter in a large restaurant was rushed to the hospital's emergency room. Lying on the operating table in great pain while awaiting attention, he saw an intern passing by. "Doc" he said desperately, "I'm sick. Can't you do something?" 'Sorry,' replied the intern. "This isn't my table.'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-24-2005 01:39 PM                        Rated G A man entered a barbershop and said: “I am tired of looking like everyone else! I want a change! Part my hair from ear to ear!” “Are you sure?” “Yes!” said the man. The barber did as he was told, and a satisfied customer left the shop. A few hours passed and the man reentered the shop. “Put it back the way it was,” he said. “What’s the matter? Asked the barber. “Are you tired of being a nonconformist already?” “No”, he replied, “I am tired of people whispering in my nose!”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-28-2005 04:12 PM                        Rated G Business Jokes JobInterview Question You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night.You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to,knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life,and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.However,you may never be able to findyour perfect dream lover again. The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital.I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams." Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-29-2005 03:42 PM                        Rated G Gerry Interviewing candidates for a job as shoe salesman, the manager asked each one how they would handle a customer who had one foot much larger than the other. The fellow who got the job was the one to say, "Why, ma'am, your left foot is even smaller than your right!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-03-2006 07:20 AM                        Rated G Betsy "Mr Jones," she told the boss, "I like a pat on the back. But not so low."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-04-2006 06:55 AM                        Rated G Anonymous Author I called UPS about an insurance claim I had filed on a package. I knew the automated voice response system wouldn't be able to handle this issue so I immediately said, "customer service." It did a little beep-boop-bop computing noise, and then insisted that I first pick from its menu, none of which items bore any resemblance to insurance claims. I tried "track a package." It recited the status, followed by "Can I help you with anything else?" I said, more insistently, "customer service," at which it complained that that was the most recent shipping information. Exasperated--but a bit curious--I said, "Damn you," and after the little computing noise, it swiftly transferred me to customer service.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-04-2006 07:39 AM                        Rated G Rules for eating samples at Costco 1. We do NOT work for Costco, so don't get mad at us when we don't know where something is. Look for people in blue or red vests. 2. DO NOT reach behind, over, or in between the shields, they are there for your protection as well as ours. That area is our " kitchen " we have knives, forks, scissors, and other sharp utinsils that you can get cut on. 3. Once you touch an object on our trays, it is yours, if you do not want it, throw it away, even if you didn't touch what is inside. 4. Do not reach in our bowls for more chips, bread, or whatever else is in them, if you do we have to throw it out. 5. Please, please, please do NOT let your children grab food for themselves, we are not mind readers and we do not know what your child is allergic too.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-04-2006 07:55 AM                        Rated G B.B. "Honesty" Sam and George go to the bank to cash their paychecks. After Sam cashes his check George hands the young teller his check. He moves away from the teller, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" The cashier says: Sir, you stepped away from the counter. There's nothing I can do about it now." George says nothing and joins Sam who says: "She's got some nerve, you should complain to the manager!" "Oh no," George says, "in fact I was going to tell her that I just thought you'd like to know she gave me ten dollars too much."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-04-2006 08:01 AM                        Rated G In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. He sauntered into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor. "Look", said the collector, "That cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to five dollars." "It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the five on the spot. "For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur, "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it." "Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly. "That my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 cats."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2006 07:32 AM                        Rated G Sonata Since I had been selling water beds for almost four years, I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water?" Stunned, I replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!" After a short pause, she said, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2006 07:34 AM                        Rated G My sister answered an advertisement for a typist to work on a book on weather forecasting. She gave her typing speed as: "Approximately 55 w.p.m. with occasional gusts of 60 to 65 w.p.m.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2006 08:26 AM                        Rated G B.B. My boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2006 08:36 AM                        Rated G With only one clerk working the window at my local post office, the line was moving quite slowly. As I waited, I began to fill out my check to speed things up when I reached the counter. Unsure of the date, I turned and asked the woman behind me. "It's the fifth," she replied. From the back of the line, a man suggested, "Oh, I wouldn't write the date in just yet."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2006 11:33 AM                        Rated G B.B. I was in Target the other day, shopping with a young lady friend. We were walking past the furniture section where there were several different models of bar stools on display. Next to them there was a sign that read: "All models in stock now!" So I paused next to the display and said, "Do you know what these are?" "What?" she asked. I said, "Stool samples."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2006 08:42 AM                        Rated G Gerry Garbage collectors were picking up our trash I had just put out as my wife walked back into our house. A particular barrel was very heavy. "Lady, we can't take this," one man called out. "It's way over the weight limit." My wife turned her eight-month-pregnant figure toward him. "It didn't seem that heavy when I carried it out." she said. Without another word, the man emptied the barrel into the truck.  |  IP: Logged

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