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Author Topic: Business Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 08-08-2006 12:42 PM                        Rated PG... Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration: 1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name ... wait for it ... is http://www.whorepresents.com/ 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at http://www.expertsexchange.com/ 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at http://www.penisland.net/ 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at http://www.therapistfinder.com/ 5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company ... http://www.powergenitalia.com/ 6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: http://www.molestationnursery.com/ 7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always http://www.ipanywhere.com/ 8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is http://www.cummingfirst.com/ 9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: http://www.speedofart.com/ 10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at http://www.gotahoe.com/  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2006 07:32 AM                        Rated G A woman was walking through her new house with the contractor. As they walked through rooms, she told him what color she wanted him to paint each room. In the bedroom she said, "I think this would be nice in a cream." The contractor stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!" This perplexed the woman. They moved to the living room and she said, "I would love rose in this area." Again the contractor strolled over to the window and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!" Again the woman was confused but did not say anything. As they walked into the kitchen she proudly announced that she wanted this room to be, " a glorious shade of mauve." Once again the contractor went to the window and yelled,"GREEN SIDE UP!" Finally she could not stand this anymore. "Why are you shouting GREEN SIDE UP out every window of this house?" He replied,"I'm sorry. I have a crew of UCLA students laying sod across the street."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-29-2006 03:17 PM                        Rated G Ed in Aurora, Ont. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse........You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal,""Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment. [ 11-21-2006, 08:02 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-21-2006 08:03 AM                        Rated G Lorraine When I was a reporter, I spent several years covering the police court. One day I was walking down a hallway with a male attorney, engrossed in a discussion on a point of law. When he opened a door and walked through, I followed, preoccupied with the matter we had been debating. Suddenly, he stopped. "Can I ask you something?" he asked. "Sure," I replied. "Do you really think you should be in the men's washroom?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-24-2006 08:07 AM                        Rated G News Report: Apple Computers Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts. The i-boob is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-07-2006 09:31 AM                        Rated R Ed in Aurora, Ont. Raisin Bread A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short Skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances At The loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant Idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would. Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two Loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male Customers notices what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the Men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it Raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man, "but it's a quiverin'!" ~ ~ ~ ~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2006 08:29 AM                        Rated G Lorraine It was another frantic day at the office. We were writing, revising and rewriting reports, all of them due yesterday. On one of the report drafts, I found a note from the harried manager: "Sorry. A couple of changes. You typed what I wrote. I didn't write what I meant."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-12-2006 02:09 PM                        Rated G Lorraine After a long day of sight-seeing, my husband and I stopped for dinner. We were hungry, but the service was slow. Forty-five minutes after our order was taken, my husband called the harried waiter over and asked about our meals. "I'm sorry, sir," he apologized. "The cook is doing the best he can, but he only has two pairs of hands."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-13-2006 04:44 PM                        Rated G Bruce Just a few weeks after taking a job as a security guard, my husband announced that he had been fired. He explained that he'd fallen asleep at this desk and someone broke into the building. "But you're such a light sleeper," I said. "I'm surprised the sound of the guy breaking in didn't wake you up." "I didn't get fired for falling asleep," he confessed, "I was fired for wearing my earplugs."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2006 10:11 AM                        Rated G Lorraine When the taillight on my car burned out, I stopped at a gas station. It was Friday, business was brisk, and only two teenage boys were working. One removed the old bulb and went to find a replacement. No sooner had he returned than he had to go and serve a car at the gas pumps. A minute later the second young man, who had just finished with a customer, came over and screwed the bulb in. Just then a tanker truck came tearing up, its horn blaring. The young man began replacing the cover but kept looking anxiously over his shoulder at the truck. "Go ahead," I said, "I'll finish this up." He ran to buy something to eat, and I took over. The first teenager returned and saw me at work. "When they ask you how many it takes to change a light bulb," he commented, "you can tell them that here it takes three."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-27-2006 06:10 AM                        Rated G One day a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account." I handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day." He started to leave but changed his mind. "I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again." With his finger to his lips he tip-toed out.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2007 12:36 PM                        Rated G Gerry Intelligence is when you spot the flaw in your boss's reasoning. Wisdom is when you refrain from pointing it out.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2007 02:10 PM                        Rated G The Joker Corporate America Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2007 08:10 AM                        Rated G Lorraine When a fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. “Do you take children?” the man asked. “No, sir,” replied the clerk. “Only cash and credit cards.”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2007 08:25 AM                        Rated G Lorraine So Bill Gates and the chairman of GM are arguing over which company is better. Bill Gates boast, " If cars grew in technology as fast as computers did, we would be driving v-32 instead of v- 8, our cars would get 5000 miles to the gallon, the top speed would be mach seven. Anyway the sticker price for a car would be 50 dollars." And which the GM replies, " Sure, but would you really want a car that crashes 4 times a day!"  |  IP: Logged

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