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Author Topic: Business Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-31-2006 12:52 PM                        Rated G Betsy In a fur store the woman says to the saleslady "Will a small deposit hold it until my husband does something unforgivable?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-31-2006 12:57 PM                        Rated G Betsy Lingerie shop sign: "Like the government, we give aid to underdeveloped areas."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2006 10:11 AM                        Rated G Gerry One broker told me, "You'd be surprised how many people drive to my office in a Mercedes to take advice from a guy who came to work on the bus."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2006 10:16 AM                        Rated G B.B. "Contributions" The newspaper where I worked had just announced that when its new building was completed, the old one would be donated to the United Way. A few days later, someone came into our office soliciting contributions to that same organization. "I'm sorry," one reporter quipped. "We gave the office."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2006 10:53 AM                        Rated G Gerry Sign in a loan company window: "Now you can borrow enough money to get completely out of debt."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2006 10:55 AM                        Rated G Bruce I read a particularly interesting news story the other day from the BBC which said that Danish manufacturing workers are protesting against increasing restrictions on drinking beer at work. And I thought to myself, hang on a second...now here's an idea! Beer at work! Apparently it is common practice to imbibe it bit on the job in, uh, Danishland, or where ever Danish people come from, and employers really aren't even trying to cut into the quantity that their employees are drinking (which is usually around six brews per day). What they're requiring is that workers only drink on breaks, and not while actually 'on the job.' Just what kind of draconian labor camps do they have over there, anyway? Just imagine if we employed that kind of thinking here in the U.S. Why, people might actually start looking forward to coming into work.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2006 01:23 PM                        Rated G Driving School A driving instructor: What would you do if you were going up an icy hill and the motor stalled and brakes failed? His student replied; I’d quickly adjust the rearview mirror.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2006 01:39 PM                        Rated G Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front of the store.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-06-2006 12:31 PM                        Rated G Gerry Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-06-2006 12:38 PM                        Rated G Betsy I saw a strange sign in a jewelry shop window: "Ears pierced while you wait."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-07-2006 06:39 AM                        Rated G Gerry I was saying that this summer I'd like to get away from it all and go some place where no one would ever think to find me. The boss suggested my desk.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-07-2006 08:14 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Sam: I'd like to buy a bird. Store Clerk: How about a talking mynah? Sam: Sounds great! Store clerk: This one here is very talented. She can talk in seven languages, sing the Star-Spangled Banner, and recite the Gettysburg Address. Sam: Never mind that. Is she tender?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2006 03:28 PM                        Rated G Gerry A young fellow applied for a job, bringing glowing references from his minister and the church elders. The prospective employer was pleased with the written statements and said, "These are vey nice. Now can you bring one from somebody who sees you on weekdays?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-27-2006 01:10 PM                        Rated G Although he always ordered just ham and eggs everyday, one customer at the diner always studied the menu carefully each day before ordering. One day, his regular waitress decided to see if he could be made to order anything else. Before giving him the menu she marked out the ham and eggs entry. Once the customer had looked over the menu for a few minutes, the waitress approached him and asked, "Sir, did you notice that I scratched something you like?" Without looking up from the menu, he quickly replied, "Well, then go wash your hands and bring me some ham and eggs."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-05-2006 08:30 PM                        Rated G Diane in Reno The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. (that actually happens at Albertson's!!!) When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. I don't buy toilet paper there any more.  |  IP: Logged

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