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Author Topic: Business Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2006 08:20 AM                        Rated G Betsy One day when I showed our busy receptionist some work that needed to be done, she looked especially frazzled. Trying to lighten the moment, I teased, "We just like to keep you on your toes." "Then I should be a ballerina by now," she retorted.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2006 08:35 AM                        Rated PG Anonymous Author WWJS? Where Would Jesus Shop? This past holid-- er, Christmas season, some Christians boycotted stores in which employees were told to greet shoppers with the insulting "Happy holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." Hmmm... that got us to thinking how nice it would be to have a list of businesses Jesus might patronize. The Top 25 Businesses Jesus Would Patronize 25> Heaven-Eleven 24> Barns and Stable 23> Frederick's of Nazareth 22> Old Noah 21> Burlington Coat-of-Many-Colors Factory 20> Me & Taylor 19> Saved-a-Lot 18> Abercrombie & Fish & Loaves 17> Blessed Buy 16> Lordstrom's 15> Vatican's Secrets 14> Jmart 13> Create and Bare All 12> Rome Depot 11> Hosanna Republic 10> JC Penance 9> Sinnerbon 8> Bed, Bethlehem and Babylon 7> Goys "R" Us 6> Resurrection Hardware 5> Sam Goody Goody Two Shoes 4> Wal-Martyr 3> Mom's-a-Virgin Megastore 2> Stables ... and the Number 1 Business Jesus Would Patronize ... 1> TMIFridays  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2006 09:29 AM                        Rated G TheWhiteRabbit Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one." [ 01-15-2006, 10:13 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-15-2006 10:13 AM                        Rated G Gerry Having overlooked his electric bill, my brother received another from the utility company marked FINAL NOTICE. He immediately made out a check and mailed it in with the bill, which he changed to read FINALLY NOTICED.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-16-2006 07:28 AM                        Rated G B.B. A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-16-2006 07:34 AM                        Rated G A fellow wrote to a mail order house saying, "Please send me one of the gasoline engines you show in your catalog, and if it is any good, I'll send you a check." Two day's later he received the following reply, "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-18-2006 01:41 PM                        Rated G After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked. "Cash," I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau." "Shall I gift wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you going back there?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-23-2006 08:45 AM                        Rated G Betsy As a single parent, I know that my ten-year-old daughter has learned to do without many extras. Some time ago, to make things up to her, I promised to buy her toys as soon as I got a raise. A while later, my boss went on vacation and arranged for me to watch his dog, cats and parrot. The night before he was due back, we went to feed the animals for the last time. As my daughter busied herself with the parrot, I couldn't believe my ears. She was bombarding the hapless bird with: "Mommy needs a raise! Mommy needs a raise!" I got the raise: she got the toys.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-23-2006 10:52 AM                        Rated G Becky Amy, a blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by- four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?" So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn. They walk along long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one..... right here." Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?" "That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently. Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?" She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says: "I guess it's to hang your pants on......  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2006 09:07 AM                        Rated PG B.B. Lewis' brother decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris, France to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in the States. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2006 10:34 AM                        Rated G Andrew "Have you ever noticed when shopping in a department store we think only once when buying on credit and twice when paying cash?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2006 05:05 PM                        Rated PG The budget-minded woman was always clipping coupons in the young, lean years when she was first married, and even kept detailed records of how much money she saved. One of her first jobs way back then was running the cash register at the local drugstore. One day, she had a self-conscious young man approach the counter to buy some condoms. She noticed a dollar-off coupon on the box and asked him if he'd like to use it, adding that she and her husband had saved over $400 redeeming coupons last year. The stunned young man replied, "On these?!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-31-2006 10:12 AM                        Rated G Quirk What do you call the head of a corporation who makes a lot of business blunders? A CEO-oh.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-31-2006 10:15 AM                        Rated G Bruce "The Ford Motor Company is having some troubles. They say they will now be offering personal computers in some cars and trucks in hopes to increase sales. This will also allow Ford employees to look for jobs on their way to work." --Conan O'Brien  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2006 09:51 AM                        Rated G B.B. Shoe Store I was waiting on some customers at the shoe store where I work when I was interrupted by a very determined woman. Pointing to a sneaker made by Reebok, she asked, "Do you have this in a Nike?"  |  IP: Logged

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