Topic Closed

my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Miscellaneous - Part Two (Page 62)

This topic comprises 101 pages: 1  2  3  ...  59  60  61  62  63  64  65  ...  99  100  101

Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Two Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 09:22 AM                        Rated G B.B. You are sitting behind the wheel in a car keeping a constant speed,on you left side there is an abyss. On your right side you have a fire engine and it keeps the same speed as you. In front of you runs a pig, larger than you car. A helicopter is following you, at ground level. Both the helicopter and the pig are keeping the same speed as you. What will you need to do to be able to stop?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Answer: Get out of the car, step down from the merry-go-round and leave you seat to someone younger. The children's merry-go-round in the amusement park is primarily for the younger children.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 09:30 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee If I had the chance to change just one thing in my life I, think I'd have to pick underpants.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 10:59 AM                        Rated G Michele "If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!" --Homer Simpson  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 03:08 PM                        Rated G Michele The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and gone to heaven when she reached my very polite and patient son on the phone.At the end of her long sales pitch, she asked,"Do you mind if we send out someone to give you an estimate?" "Not at all," my son said. "When would be a good time?" she asked. My son answered, "Just as soon as I dig a basement."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 03:15 PM                        Rated G Lainey A large family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression,but the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily,"Mommy,the lady down the street asked my name today!" "Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?" "Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 04:49 PM                        Rated G There are two polite people having dinner together. On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish. They politely say to each other: "You may choose first." "No, you may choose first." And this goes on for a while. Then the first person says: "OK, I'll take first." And he takes the BIG piece of fish. The second person: "Hey, why did you take the big piece? That's not polite!" The first person says: "Which piece would you have taken?" The second person replies: "I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course." The first person says: "Well, that's what you got now!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 06:25 AM                        Rated PG Michele Officials say that a number of London's historic buildings are being severely eroded by people urinating on them. Meanwhile, experts have determined that Manhattan was once the size of South America.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 06:52 AM                        Rated G blue_meanie ~ Think About It ~ Why do we say redheaded but brownhaired? As soon as a person tells you he has a surprise for you,he has lost the element of surprise. A magazine recently published that in the last census 1.6 percent of the people were not counted....(How can they know that?) Why don't they have dessert at breakfast? Did the Mai Tai get its name when two Polynesian drunks got in a fight over some neckwear? What clinic did Betty Ford go to? If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau who do you complain to? The nicest thing about anything is not knowing what it is.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 07:01 AM                        Rated G Marriage is a Gamble Marriage is a gamble. You start with a pair. He shows a diamond. She shows a heart. Her father has a club. His father has a spade. There's usually a joker around somewhere, but after a while he becomes a king and she becomes a queen. Then they end up with a full house.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 07:16 AM                        Rated G Michele When I was young, we used to go "skinny dipping". Nowadays, I just "chunky dunk".  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 07:19 AM                        Rated G Making Cupcakes A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for Sunday dinner.As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew,Mikey,helping them bake some cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Mikey to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table. "The cupcakes look delicious, Mike." his uncle said. He took a bite and said, "Mikey these are so good." As he finished one cupcake and took another,he again complimented his little nephew "The cupcakes look beautiful, Mikey," his uncle said. "How did you get the icing so neat?" His nephew replied, "It was easy. I just licked them." The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. "You licked all of these?" Mikey replied, "Well no. After a while my tongue got tired, and I got the dog to help."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 07:28 AM                        Rated G : B.B. Since the right half of the brain controls the left half of the body... does this mean that only left handed people are he only ones in their right minds?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 07:37 AM                        Rated G lisa If it wasnt for the last minute,nothing in my life would get done.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 07:42 AM                        Rated G Michele Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well planned life? "Oh yes," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher;and now I'm married to an undertaker." Her friend asked, What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?" Her response: "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-21-2003 07:53 AM                        Rated G Michele When a young man left his dorm and moved into an apartment,he went shopping for cleaning equipment.His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products.At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. Seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater."  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 101 pages: 1  2  3  ...  59  60  61  62  63  64  65  ...  99  100  101

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.