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Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 12:25 PM                        Rated G Ralph The Meaning of Service At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." "It's the act of doing things for other people." Then I heard these terms which reference the word SERVICE: Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Telephone Service Civil Service City & County Public Service Customer Service Service Stations Then I became confused about the word "service " This is not what I thought "service" meant. So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service " a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us. I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 12:33 PM                        Rated G Miss Confused: “Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?” Operator: “I am sorry, I do not understand who you are talking about." Miss Confused: “On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 12:35 PM                        Rated G Lulu I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job. How do you save a newspaper on the subway? You sit on it. A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear end and asked the second most stupid question I've ever heard, "Are you reading that paper?" I stood up, turned the page, sat right back down on the paper and answered, "Yes."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 12:41 PM                        Rated G Women reading Vogue magazine about the latest fashions to come off the Paris runway is the same as you men looking at naked women in Playboy. We're both looking at places we're never going to visit.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2006 07:11 PM                        Rated G Quirk Researchers studying current obesity patterns say that by the year 2230 100% of the population will be overweight. The good news is, if you are fat already, you're ahead of your time.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2006 07:30 PM                        Rated G B.B. The little cabbage in the field was consulting its mother about life. "Life," said the mother "is a gamble; you've got to withstand storms, drought, wind, animals -- not to mention bugs, lice, mold, rot. But, if you don't give up, you'll thrive and grow." "Life certainly is a gamble," agreed the little cabbage, "but there's one thing you haven't made clear: when do I quit growing?" "As in any gamble," said Mama Cabbage, "quit when you're a head!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2006 08:18 PM                        Rated G Betsy Outside the store a young man with a baby and a four-year-old was struggling to get inside. A well-dressed woman opened the door for him. "Thank you," he said. "I guess chivalry is not dead." "No," replied the woman. "It just changed hands."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-01-2006 10:59 AM                        Rated G "According to a Cosmo poll, 13 percent of all men admit they've tried on a bra. The sad part, 43 percent of American men actually need one." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-01-2006 11:00 AM                        Rated G Gerry There are three kinds of persons: successful, unsuccessful, and those who present seminars to the second about how the first do it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-01-2006 11:07 AM                        Rated G Lorraine "Varicose veins are the result of an improper selection of grandparents." --William Osler  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-01-2006 11:20 AM                        Rated G B.B. Three Things In Life: Three things in life that, once gone, never come back: Time, Words & Opportunity Three things in life that may never be lost: Peace, Hope & Honesty. Three things in life that are most valuable: Love, Self-confidence & Friends Three things in life that are never certain: Dreams, Success & Fortune Three things that make a man: Hard work, Sincerity & Commitment Three things in life that can destroy a man: Wine, Pride & Anger.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-01-2006 11:29 AM                        Rated G Hot Mama "I found myself utterly depressed the other day and spent the entire afternoon listening to Celine Dion records... at least that's what I thought I was doing. Turns out the cat had just fallen into the dryer and was trying to get out." --Julian Clary "He's the kind of friend who will always be there when he needs you." --Adam Christing "There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very, very similar." --Geoffrey Parfitt  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-02-2006 11:12 AM                        Rated G Lorraine I was baby-sitting my friend's five-year-old son, Jason, and had just served dinner. He finished all his sausages, then just sat pushing the mashed potatoes around on the plate with a fork. When he asked for dessert, I told him he had to finish his dinner first. He climbed down from his chair and went into the living room, so I followed. "What's wrong with the potatoes?" I asked. "I think there are too many ingredients," he said. "They're yuckie." "Which ingredient do you think made them taste yuckiest?" I asked. "Hmm," he pondered. "I think it was the cement."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-02-2006 11:25 AM                        Rated G According to a poll in Esquire magazine, the color most women find sexiest on a guy is blue. To which Anna Nicole Smith said -- 'I love it when guys turn blue!' -- Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-02-2006 11:36 AM                        Rated G Lorraine My son Sam had taken over our old home and converted it into apartments. When the street was torn up to be repaved, I found my old yard was easier to walk on than dodging the road debris on my daily trip to the post office. One of Sam's tenants complained to him that an old man was walking across the lawn every day. Sam laughed. "It's probably the same old man who told me to get the grass cut."  |  IP: Logged

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