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Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2006 12:25 PM                        Rated G B.B. My eighty-year-old lady friend is still a bowler. Recently she bowled three strikes. One was even in her lane!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2006 12:31 PM                        Rated G popo The Web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2006 12:37 PM                        Rated G alanv71 WHAT DO YOU CALL... A constipated muslim? Mustapha Cacka. A one-legged muslim? Ballan Singh. A karaoke muslim? Gerupta Singh. A muslim with bacon on his head? Hammed A muslim with 3 slices of bacon on his head? Mohammed....  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2006 12:46 PM                        Rated G B.B. "According to a study, they found common words used by happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they also found common words used by other people to describe happy people. Annoying, irritating, obnoxious..." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2006 12:47 PM                        Rated G Popo "Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2006 12:58 PM                        Rated G B.B. Judy went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle. Judy asked what the difference was. "Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't." "Just get the one without the horn. I don't think we'll run into too much traffic out here."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2006 03:12 PM                        Rated G YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. Go on, forward this to your friends ...you know you want to!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 08:11 AM                        Rated G The Late Show With J. Letterman Carson: Sorry I was a little late. There were some rats having a snowball fight outside. Also, a No Smoking sign apparently fell on some people down the street. Did you have a nice Lincoln's Birthday yesterday? Get off work? Actually I had forgotten about yesterday being Lincoln's birthday until I noticed my cab driver wearing a stove-pipe turban. Did you catch that Britt Hume interview. No, I mean with the remains of John Wilkes Booth? I thought he was preety soft with the questions. With all the shooting news, a lot of newspeople forgot about Valentine's Day. President Bush got Laura a nice box of chocolates. He was outside the White House sitting on a bench, waiting for a bus. Riots are getting worse in the Mideast. That's according to the Cartoon Network. Yesterday, they kidnapped Hank Hill. Also, some propane and propane accessories of mass destruction are missing. Apparently there was a near-riot at a New Jersey nursing home yesterday. You hear about it? It seems the residents heard on TV in the dayroom that the hockey season could be cancelled again. Saddam has cancelled his hunger strike. Instead, he's going on the Beverly Hills Diet. Look for him on their commercials. Wayne Gretzsky's still skating around questions about gambling on sports. He's just referring people to his lawyer, Pete Rose. The President of Egypt has put off the election there once again. According to the latest reports, a third party has been organized and will run some guy named Ralph Nasser. The President says he's still satisfied with Dick Cheney and will quail hunt with the VP anytime he asks. Actually the whole White House staff will begin quail hunting this year. That's to get them ready for next year's projected "Guantanamo Release". We'll be right back...  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 08:16 AM                        Rated G alanv71 Some websites that aren't what they seem... www.childsexpress.com www.goredfoxes.com www.cumstore.co.uk www.northerngasheating.com www.penisland.org www.analemma.com www.cummingfirst.com And finally..... www.molestationnursery.com which changed it's address to www.molerivernursery.com  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 08:31 AM                        Rated G Betsy Adolescence: The period when children are certain they will never be as dumb as their parents.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 08:32 AM                        Rated G Immigration men are knowledgeable. They are pretty clever guys. This one fellow in particular has a little trick. He asks: "What's your nationality" "American." "American, huh? Do you know the words of "The Star Spangled Banner?" "No, I don't." "You're an American; go in."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 11:56 AM                        Rated PG Hot Mama Rejected Titles for "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN" PRANCES WITH WOLVES JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON BUTCH ASSIDY AND THE BUNDANCE KID THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID LONESOME DOUG DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN MCCABE AND MR. MILLER HI, PLAINS DRIFTER! THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN INCHES QUICKLY DOWN UNDER BAREBACK MOUNTING BONE-NANZA DON'T MESS WITH TEX' ASS HOME ON THE RANGER OKLAHOMO ROOSTER COCKBURN LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE BALONEY PONY RODEO TUBESTEAK COWBOYS SILVER-ROD-Ohhh!!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 11:58 AM                        Rated G Bruce Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to teach a young mind the way our economy functions. I loved this game and still do. Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered. For instance, if I have all this money and own all this real estate...why am I still driving around in a thimble?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 12:09 PM                        Rated G Lulu After his wife died, the uncle of one of my friends decided to plan ahead and order a grave-site marker for himself. A week or so later, he came home to find a message on his answering machine. It was from a young woman at the company where he'd placed his order. "I don't know if it's good news or bad," she said, "but your headstone is ready."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 12:20 PM                        Rated PG AlanV A young man runs away to join the circus. The owner asks him what can you do? 'I can be hit over the head with an iron bar and not feel it, go ahead and try' The owner is a bit sceptical but he decides to try the young man out and picks up a hefty iron bar. 'WHAM!!!!!!' and the young man falls down unconscious so the owner gets him to hospital. Feeling guilty he sits with the man who is in a deep coma. 3 weeks later the young man's eyes open......... 'TA-DAAAAAAA!'  |  IP: Logged

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