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Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 08:21 AM                        Rated G B.B. A botanist claimed to have discovered a nomadic tree in the African jungle - apparently it just packs up its trunk and leaves.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 08:22 AM                        Rated G B.B. Tidbits of Wit I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it. I have an open mind - it's just closed for repairs. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 08:28 AM                        Rated G Andrew You can't take it with you. If you could hearses would come with roof racks.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 08:31 AM                        Rated G Diana Want to know why housework serves no purpose? Because it isn't what you do in a house that shows, it's what you don't do that everyone notices.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 08:46 AM                        Rated G Lorraine One day I tried to reach my dad, a real charmer with the ladies, at his raquetball club. I gave a description of him to the receptionist, but she didn't recognize him. Then I gave her his name, but she didn't know him. I gave it one more try: "He's probably told you that you're the most beautiful woman in the world." She laughed and said, "I'll go get him."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 08:47 AM                        Rated G B.B. Just Think About This! "Some people are so lazy, that they don't even exercise good judgement!" "The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach." "The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!" "Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 02:19 PM                        Rated G B.B. Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, if he doesn't like what you have to say, it'll be OK because you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 02:54 PM                        Rated G Lorraine "Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter"? Stephen Wright  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 03:14 PM                        Rated G Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 07:44 AM                        Rated G Lorraine "My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too." ~~Peter De Vries  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 07:49 AM                        Rated G Lorraine "The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds." ~~James Randi  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 08:02 AM                        Rated G B.B. Sign's Location...What The Sign Says Maternity Clothes Shop - We are open on Labor Day. Non-smoking area - If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a Front Door - Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog. Optometrist's Office - If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. Taxidermist Window - We really know our stuff. Podiatrist's Window - Time wounds all heels. Muffler Shop - No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming. Sign on Fence - Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive. Car Dealership - The best way to get back on your feet...miss a car payment. In an office - We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left. Garbage Truck - We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Computer Store - Out for a quick byte Diner Window - Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up. Bowling Alley - Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop. Cafeteria - Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want. Music Library - Bach in a minuet. Funeral Home - Drive carefully, we'll wait. Electricians Truck - Let us remove your shorts. Butcher's Window - Pleased to meat you. Veterinarians Waiting Room - Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 08:07 AM                        Rated G B.B. "Don't let your worries get the best of you... remember, Moses started out as a basket case."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 08:54 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, "Oh my, could I be eating a fish from here!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 08:55 AM                        Rated G Betsy They know, they just know where to grow, how to dupe you, and how to camouflage themselves among the perfectly respectable plants, they just know, and therefore, I've concluded weeds must have brains.  |  IP: Logged

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