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Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:46 PM                        Rated G Gerry Sitting around the breakfast table, Sam turned to his brother Michael and said, "You know what Judy told me last night in the car?" "No" Sam frowned. "Hey, you were listening!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:54 PM                        Rated G Bruce Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:55 PM                        Rated G Lorraine I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. (Ogden Nash, "Song of the Open Road," 1933)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 05:10 PM                        Rated G Sally " Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear through. "  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 08:39 AM                        Rated G Vicky There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 10:30 AM                        Rated G Laws Of Life Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.(works every time) Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they stop making it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 02:49 PM                        Rated G Quirk "Love may make the world go round, but it's laughter that keeps us from getting dizzy." Donald Zochert  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 02:50 PM                        Rated G Andrew It's an odd fact: science has enabled manufacturers to produce a sixty-cent soft drink which will last for decades, but a $20,000 car still rots in just five years.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 02:58 PM                        Rated G Quirk "According to a survey in the paper today, 10 percent of all workers had a drink on company time to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Everybody drank at work. Not a good day to go in for lasik eye surgery." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 03:08 PM                        Rated G Lorraine "The Playboy calendar this year has some tip-top models. Any more top and they'd tip." --Robert Orben  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 03:14 PM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti When you go to prison they take away your shoelaces so you can't kill yourself. I wouldn't know how to kill myself with shoelaces. You'd have to be the McGyver of killing yourself. ~Mark Farrell~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 03:17 PM                        Rated G Lorraine "The solution to adult problems tomorrow depends on large measure upon how our children grow up today." --Margaret Mead  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-21-2006 03:35 PM                        Rated G B.B. Things you don't want to hear at a Tattoo Parlor "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE." "We're all out of red, so I used pink." "There are 2 Os in Bob, right?" "Sorry, Ma'am, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy." "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups." "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here." "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before." "The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect." "Oops ... "  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 12:05 PM                        Rated G Betsy One of the best things people can have up their sleeves is a funny bone.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 12:06 PM                        Rated G Maggie Sometimes love is better put into hugs than into words.  |  IP: Logged

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