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Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 12:15 PM                        Rated G "I quit flying years ago. I don't want to die with tourists." Billy Bob Thornton  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 12:16 PM                        Rated G Lorraine "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." Harry S. Truman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 12:22 PM                        Rated G Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," one friend says. "How so?" his friend asks. "Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me." "Was that not love?" his friend asks. "No," he replies. "That was obsession. And then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me." "Was that not love?" "No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere I followed her on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 12:33 PM                        Rated G Andrew Two philosophers were sitting at a restaurant, discussing whether or not there was a difference between misfortune and disaster. "There is most certainly a difference," said one. "If the cook suddenly died and we couldn't have our dinner, that would be a misfortune, but certainly not a disaster. On the other hand, if a cruise ship carrying the Congress were to sink in the middle of the ocean, that would be a disaster, but by no stretch of the imagination would it be a misfortune."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2006 02:36 PM                        Rated G Lorraine DAFFYNITIONS: (words that sound like groups of other words Alarms: What an octopus is. Crick: The sound that a Japanese camera makes. Dockyard: A physician's garden. Incongruous: Where bills are passed. Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston. Oboe: An English tramp. Pasteurize: Too far to see. Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose. Toboggan: Why we go to an auction.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 09:28 AM                        Rated G Gerry Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 09:29 AM                        Rated G Betsy It was Alexander Graham Bell who invented the telephone, but it was the teenager who invented the busy signal.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 09:47 AM                        Rated G B .B. "An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger." - Dan  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 10:23 AM                        Rated G Maggie Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 02:24 PM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti "Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." ~Johnny Carson~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 02:27 PM                        Rated G When I arrived home, I discovered my roommate, Heather, quite shaken. She had stapled an electric cord under the cabinet, with the cord plugged in, and had received quite a shock. I told her that her story was about as dangerous a stunt as any I had heard, except for that day's report on the radio about a woman who had put a bag of garbage on her stove so the cat wouldn't get at it, and the bag had caught fire. Heather was silent but had a strange look on her face. "That was my sister," she said.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 02:30 PM                        Rated G Question: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? Answer: To get away from the noise.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 02:40 PM                        Rated G Gerry During the summer, employees learn how to deal with stress, while their managers are attending seminars to learn how to create it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 02:46 PM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti My license plate says PMS. Nobody cuts me off. ~Wendy Liebman~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 02:54 PM                        Rated G "A new survey says that New Jersey is the most livable state in the U.S. The survey has a margin of error of 100 percent." --Conan O'Brien  |  IP: Logged

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