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Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 09:00 AM                        Rated G "According to officials at the Social Security office, more and more parents are naming their children after cars. This past year there were 353 girls named Lexus and 25 girls named Infiniti. You know who I feel sorry for? The 3 girls named Hummer." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 09:01 PM                        Rated G Tequila and Salt This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true. 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. You are special and unique. 8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look. 11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 09:21 PM                        Rated G Definition of a Friend A friend should be radical; They should love you when you're unlovable, Hug you when you're unhuggable, And bear you when you're unbearable. A friend should be fanatical; They should cheer when the whole world boos, Dance when you get good news, And cry when you cry, too. But most of all - a friend should be mathematical. They should multiply the joy, Divide the sorrow, Subtract the past, And add tomorrow, Calculate the need deep in your heart, And always be bigger than the sum of all their parts. ~ Author Unknown  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 06:53 AM                        Rated G Lorraine My friend and I were discussing where on our bodies would be the best place to apply the weight-loss patch we were trying. Her husband, who overheard our conversation, suggested, "Your mouths."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 06:56 AM                        Rated G At the riding school I ran, getting 12 rambunctious ten- to 14- year-old girls and ten horses and ponies to a horse show could be difficult, and everyone had a job to do. Several girls were in charge of the multitude of saddles, bridles, saddle pads and sundry pieces of equipment. Then came the checklists. Despite our best efforts, never a Sunday went by without the cry "I forgot the...." Turning a truck and trailer around on country roads to retrieve the forgotten item is tricky, and this Saturday I was determined to be perfect. We checked the lists twice. But just after we started out, I heard, "We forgot the..." In exasperation I interrupted, "Whoever forgot it will not go today!" "But you forgot to load the ponies," they cried.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 07:17 AM                        Rated G Betsy Summer camps are places that are staffed by seventeen-year-old counselors, which is amusing. You wouldn't trust them with your car, but with your kids it's okay.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 08:07 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti You can't have everything. Where would you put it? ~Steven Wright~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 08:19 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear. "My dad owns a liquor store." ~Mark Klein~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:09 PM                        Rated G As one antique dealer admitted to another, theirs was a strange way of making a living. "In what other business," she asked, "do grandparents buy something, parents sell it, and children buy it again?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:12 PM                        Rated G When you offer a sincere compliment to your spouse, child, or someone else you love, it gives them a reputation to live up to, in a positive way. It encourages them to shine in your eyes, and it's a way of telling them you appreciate and love them.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:17 PM                        Rated G My boss, a bachelor, doesn't spend much time gardening, but he does make an effort to add some colour to the front of his property by planting some geraniums. Once, after leaving the office, he stopped at the gardening center and bought several of the red beauties. When he arrived home, he decided it wouldn't take long to plant them, so, in suit and tie, he found his trowel and set to work. Halfway through his effort, he glanced up and spotted his neighbor smiling at him. "What's so funny?" Abe asked. "I see you're planting a formal garden this year," his neighbor replied.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:31 PM                        Rated G On my way to a store in another city with my three young children in the car, I got lost. The children were becoming restless and finally I begged: "Kids, please behave. Isn't it bad enough that I'm lost?" Five-year-old Walter then directed all his attention to helping me find my way. Suddenly his face lit up. "Mom, look, we're not lost. There's a McDonald's!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:38 PM                        Rated G Quirk I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:39 PM                        Rated G My younger sister and I are both fond of gardening. One evening we were digging up some black cherry tree seedlings in our parents' yard to transplant in our own yards. As we came upon a seedling larger than the rest, my sister said: "You go ahead and take that one. You don't have as much time left as I do to watch it grow."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 03:42 PM                        Rated G "Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath." Arnold H. Glasow  |  IP: Logged

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