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Author Topic: SEX Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-11-2004 12:57 PM                        Rated X Uncle Bubba Theory of Relativity: If you could fly twice the speed of light, you could land on Mars,get out of your spaceship and watch yourself cum. Or, the cheaper way,install mirrors on your bedroom ceiling.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-13-2004 07:52 AM                        Rated R Michele How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but how did they get in there?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2004 10:15 AM                        Rated R New Sex Study... It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-27-2004 08:23 AM                        Rated PG Michele A guy and several of his buddies used to frequent a certain restaurant.The food was always good, but the waitress always looked and sounded very sour. One evening, one of the friends was feeling rather good,and jokingly asked the waitress when she came to take their orders, "Ma'am, do you believe in free love?" The waitress huffed up and almost yelled at the man,"I certainly do not!" With a great big grin, the man asked, "Well, Darlin', what do you charge?..."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-26-2004 12:14 PM                        Rated G LINDSAY Procrastination is like masturbation, - it feels good while you're doing it, but you are only screwing yourself in the end.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-14-2004 09:40 AM                        Rated G According to a new study, men who have frequent orgasms, like at least once a day, may be protecting themselves from prostate trouble. Doctors say this is true whether they use a partner or not. So, men, your health is in your hands.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-16-2004 09:52 AM                        Rated PG Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation, so he pays a visit to a sex shop for a remedy. The clerk hands him a little purple can and says, "This is Stay-Hard spray... put on a little and you can go all night!" Excited, Sidney takes it home, stashes it in the cellar on a shelf, and waits eagerly for bedtime. Later that night, he sprays some on his member and then goes upstairs to his wife. To his utter disappointment, however, the remedy seems to make him orgasm quicker than ever. The next day, Sidney returns to the sex shop, angrily slammed the can down on the counter, and snaps, "This stuff makes me worse than before!" Upon reading the label, the clerk asks, "I don't suppose your hid this stuff on your basement shelf, did you?" "Yeah, so?" "You must have grabbed the wrong can, sir... this is Easy-Off."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-18-2004 10:19 AM                        Rated R Michele A study conducted in England may suggest that women who regularly participate in oral sex could have safer and more successful pregnancies.It was determined that a growth factor contained in semen may assist a woman's immune system in accepting sperm... This study brought to you by: ALL MEN ON EARTH!!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-07-2004 08:43 PM                        Rated X Q: How can you tell when a man has an orgasm? A: From the snoring.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-08-2004 05:55 AM                        Rated R Four types of women having sex. 1. Asthmatic: ah..aahh..ah...aahh. 2. Obedient:yes...yes..ah..yes. 3. Greedy:more, more please more. 4. Religious: oh God..oh..in.  |  IP: Logged Will Kutler Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1506 From: Tucson, AZ, USA Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-13-2004 01:55 AM                     rated pg A new Debeers Slogan: A diamond is forever...She's not...Why bother?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-16-2004 09:55 AM                        Rated G I happened to pass a house with a little red light burning in front, in an alley way in back of the London Hilton, so I stepped inside to see what may be on offer. There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, "Over 35" and "Under 35." I decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, "Over 35." and found myself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches." Truthful again, I went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found myself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, "Once a night" and "Over 4 times a night." Still wanting to be truthful, I entered the door marked "Once a night" and found myself back out on the street. The moral of this story is: "Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-27-2004 11:16 AM                        Rated PG Why was Phillip's girlfriend dissapointed?. . . . . . . . .Because she found out Phillips 24 inch was a television.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-05-2004 05:17 PM                        Rated XXX Denny in Yonkers A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it OK for us guys to notice allthe different kind of boobs?" Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son,we wouldn't be normal if we didn't. There are all kinds of breasts depending on a woman's age.. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty,they are like onions." "Onions, Dad?" "Yeah, you see them and they make you cry." Not to be outdone,his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of weenies are there?" The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers,"Well, daughter,a man goes through three phases.In a man's twenties, a man's weenie is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties,it is like a birch,flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree in January." "A Christmas tree?" "Yep, all dried up and the balls are only there for decoration."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-17-2004 07:49 AM                        Rated X A recently widowed Jewish lady was sitting on the beach. She looked up and noticed that an elderly gentleman had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book... Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello sir, how are you?" "Fine thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book... "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.. "First time since my wife passed away last year", he replied. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes", he answered, continuing to read.. Jackie persisted. "Do you like pussy cats?" With that, he threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, whipped off both their swimsuits, and gave her the most passionate ride of her life.. As the cloud of sand began to settle, Jackie gasped and asked the man,"How did you know that is what I wanted?" The man replied, " How did you know my name was Katz ?  |  IP: Logged

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