my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Puns & Riddles (Page 12)

This topic comprises 20 pages: 1  2  3  ...  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  ...  18  19  20

Author Topic: Puns & Riddles Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2004 08:16 AM                        Rated G Two young women went into a furniture store and asked to be directed to the sofa department.The salesman who greeted them was a chauvinistic good ol' boy who knew that his chances of making a sale were always much better when dealing with a married couple.Still,he reluctantly began showing them the sofas,settees and love seats. "What we're really looking for is an upholstered footstool that's long and wide," one woman admitted. "Oh,I might have known," responded the salesman, "but I don't think either of you are going to be able to find anything like that.I've always felt a woman can't get a long width ottoman."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2004 09:09 AM                        Rated G The confused young man couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith.Try as he might,he just could not make up his mind. Unwilling to give up either,he strung them along for far too long.This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good. Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2004 08:38 PM                        Rated G Tina, the Hollywood agent, was so upset by her inability to find work for a singer that she began to sob right in front of her. Her client tried to console her. "Don't cry for me, Agent Tina."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-16-2004 06:57 AM                        Rated G Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed" asked one dectective. "With a golf gun" replied the other detective. "A golf gun?! What's a golf gun?" "I don't know but it sure made a hole in Juan."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-21-2004 11:21 PM                        Rated G "With Friends Like These, Who Needs Ememies?" Bob was telling his friend Joe about his vacation in France. Bob talked about how lovely the Eiffel Tower was, the exquisite works of art at the Louvre, the Notre Dame and of course the beautiful French women. Joe asked Bob, "Was there anything you didn't like about France?" "Well", Bob replies, " "there was one thing that was strange about it. In France, anything you eat, anything you drink,even the air that you breathe over there cleans out your colon. I mean, it REALLY cleans your colon out." So Joe says, "Gee, with France like that, who needs ememas?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-23-2004 05:53 AM                        Rated G Two lobsters were sunbathing on the beach.The lady lobster suggested that the gentleman lobster to get them an ice cream each. Having purchased two ice cream cones,Mr. Lobster made his way back to the beach, deciding on the way to eat his ice cream.By the time he has finished the ice cream he realized that his lady friend's ice cream had started to melt all down his claw,so he licked it up and ended up eating it. When he arrived back at the beach his lady lobster friend exclaimed,"Where are the ice creams?" "Well" he said."I decided to eat mine.Then yours melted,so I ate that too." His lady friend was incensed and cried,"How could you be so shellfish!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2004 06:17 AM                        Rated G After a heavy day's digging at the archeological site in Norway, researchers uncovered a priceless statue of the ancient Norse Thunder God. He had bulging muscles and imposing stance, and his famous giant hammer. But most important of all, the eyes in his fierce-looking face were made of two giant rubies that glittered with a brilliant red color. Of course, the two leading archeologists on the dig were both determined that they should be the one to have their name listed on the discovery. Pretty soon, a big argument was underway. The two provided the others with a great source of amusement for the evening.By the time they finally gave up and called a truce, everyone else was feeling quite refreshed by the entertainment. As the crowd dispersed, one junior digger turned to his friend, and said..... "Well, that was a fight for Thor eyes."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2004 08:11 AM                        Rated G One day three fishermen were out in a boat in the Gulf of Mexico.They had not caught a thing all day when suddenly,one of the fishermen's poles started jerking. He grabbed it and started reeling in his line and shouting,"I got something! I got something!" He had caught a nice fish, about ten inches long.The fishermen were about to revel in his accomplishment when the fish shook the hook out of his mouth and transformed into a being,half man and half fish,sporting a crown and holding a trident. "Who are you?" said the frightened fisherman who had caught him. "I AM NEPTUNE,GOD OF THE SEA,AND I AM GOING TO PUT A CURSE ON YOU LOWLY MORTALS! BEFORE YOU LEAVE HERE TODAY YOUR BOAT WILL SPRING A DOZEN LEAKS! ...NO,MAKE THAT A DOZEN AND A HALF!" And with that,he dove back into the waters. As soon as he was gone,the fishermen's boat had sprung so many leaks they were forced to swim to shore. To this day,they never forgot Neptune's eighteen-hole Gulf curse.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2004 08:13 AM                        Rated G Why is the most intelligent part of your body so intelligent? . . . . . . . . . . . . . Because it nose.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2004 08:27 AM                        Rated G A young lady who had just been dumped by her boyfriend seemed unusually cheerful. Someone asked her why? She replied that,sooner or later, time wounds all heels.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-30-2004 10:15 AM                        Rated G The customer complained about the outrageous price of a bottle of pickles. "It isn't the pickles that are expensive,it is the juice.Dill waters run steep."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2004 07:56 AM                        Rated G Test your IQ with the question below: There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself? Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer.... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple. If you got this wrong please - do not pass go, do not breed, just go dig a hole and hide  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2004 11:44 AM                        Rated G A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city.He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found.Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them and when he went about Paris selling them,a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. Infact,I have a hutch back of Notre Dame."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2004 11:44 AM                        Rated G A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city.He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found.Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them and when he went about Paris selling them,a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. Infact,I have a hutch back of Notre Dame."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2004 03:22 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee An acapella group challenged other vocalists to a contest to see who could best vocalize the works of Sebastian Bach into mathematical progressions in music. The contest was billed as the Bach-sing match.  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 20 pages: 1  2  3  ...  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  ...  18  19  20

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.