A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The salesgirl notices him and asks if she can help him.

He answers that he looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"

What is the punishment for Bigamy?

A recently retired rich couple from New York City, Abe and Zelda Rabinowitz, now living in Boca Raton, Florida were getting ready to go out todinner.

Zelda came out of the bedroom and said to Abe, "Darling, do you want me to wear this Channel suit or the Gucci one?" "Do I care?" he replied.

A few minutes later Zelda, again, came out of the bedroom and said to her husband, "Abe, shall I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" "Who gives a damn?"
said Abe.

A few more minutes passed and, again, Zelda came out of the bedroom and said to her husband, "Abe darling, shall I wear my five carat pear diamond ring or my
six carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?"

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies." he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, three males, two females" he replied.

Intrigued, she asked "How can you tell?

Once upon a time, there was a man who came home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decided to teach him a lesson, so she dressed up like Satan and hid in the dark to scare him when he got home.

EMPATHY CLASS

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?

Sean got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at the local pub. He made such a racket hitting into the furniture as he weaved his way through the house, that he woke up the misses.

"What on earth are you doing down there?" she yelled down from the bedroom. "Get yourself up here to bed and don't wake up the neighbors!"

"I'm trying to get a barrel of Guinness up the stairs," he shouted.

"Leave it 'till the morning," she shouted down.

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple haven't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

A man phoned his doctor late at night saying his wife appeared to have appendicitis.

"That's impossible," the physician replied, peeved at being woken up. "She had an appendectomy last year. Dont be stupid. Only a moron would wake me up for something this idiotic. Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?"

If your dog is barking at the back door, and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

Shrinking

My wife was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

It was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on "Science & Nature."

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

My wife was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

It was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on "Science & Nature."

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

Q: Did you hear about the new magazine for MARRIED MEN published by Playboy?