Why would you ever want to remarry an ex-husband?

My friend is engaged in a major custody battle.

A young couple got married and went on a cruise for their honeymoon.

When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away.

"Well, darling," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time!

But, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language. I've never heard these words before. Really terrible 4-letter words. You've got to come get me and take me home. PLEASE MOTHER!" And the new bride began to sob over the telephone.

"But honey," the mother countered, "what 4-letter words?" "I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter, "they're too awful! Please come and get me!"

"Darling daughter, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell me the 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother, he used words like: DUST... WASH... IRON...COOK

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home
for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

A man bought an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".

The nextday he received a thousand letters. They all said the same thing:

If You Were my Husband...

A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ''If you were my husband I would poison your drink."

Wife: I just got back from the beauty shop.

Husband: What was the matter?

Was it closed?

A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married, she was to please her husband and never upset him.

So the first morning of her honeymoon, the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love.

As she stooped down to pickup husband's clothes, she accidentally let out a big fart.

WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

MAN: (makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: Would she use my golf clubs?

MAN: No, she's left-handed.

WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring.

"Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving.

"Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"

I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver’s side
of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.

Marriage is a three ring circus:
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
Suffering

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video.

He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video.

On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's dick. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough.

George dies and his wife gets him cremated.

She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them.

"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money.

You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."

Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you?

This newlywed couple is in bed and the man rolls over and taps his wife on the shoulder.

The wife says, "I can't honey, I'm going to the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to be fresh."