my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Husbands & Wives (Page 41)

This topic comprises 94 pages: 1  2  3  ...  38  39  40  41  42  43  44  ...  92  93  94

Author Topic: Husbands & Wives Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-08-2003 10:17 AM                        Rated G Michele One frigid morning in North Dakota a man turned up at work much the worse for wear."I didn't sleep a wink,"he told a coworker. "I was up all night trying to keep my wife's begonia covered against the freezing cold." "I should be so lucky,"his coworker replied."When it's this cold my wife wears so damn many clothes to bed,I can never get anywhere near her begonia."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-09-2003 07:01 AM                        Rated G Baby Blues Leftovers Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers. "It gets rough," one said."My husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them 'reruns'." "You think you have it bad," was the reply."Mine is a Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!" That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady."My husband is a mortician.He calls them 'remains'!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-12-2003 08:56 AM                        Rated G Michele Sarah, the new bride, went crying to her mother. "What's troubling you?" asked her concerned mother. "Momma,I can't get Dave to do anything.I want him to fix up the house,and he keeps putting it off." Sarah explained. "Honey,"her mother replied, "after being married to your father for twenty six years,I've found that there's only one way to get him to do anything." "What way is that?" asked Sarah,"I want to know so that I can try it out on Dave." "Well," said her mother,"the way to get him to do anything is to tell him he's too old."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-12-2003 01:34 PM                        Rated G My wife seems to feel one should get their money's worth on vacation. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to frolic every minuteor not.But once when I was sitting in a beach chair on the sand,she came out of the surf and said, "This is costing us$300 a day -- and you sit there reading a book!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-12-2003 01:49 PM                        Rated G Jeff was married and a philanderer. A friend finally took him to task. "When you run around with other women, doesn't your conscience bother you?" "Yes, for a certain length of time...and then if I don't hear from their lawyers, I feel better."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-14-2003 07:18 AM                        Rated PG Lorraine Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend. "Why shouldn't I?" Jane inquired. "Well, maybe he is having an affair?" "No way, he returns every time without any fish..."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 06:20 AM                        Rated G My wife and I were discussing the differences between men and women . She asked why men have such a fascination with women's breasts .We came up with this deduction . Women's breasts are to men as shoes are to women.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-20-2003 07:09 AM                        Rated G A couple had quarreled about money and gone to bed angry. The next morning,they rose,showered,dressed and ate breakfast in silence.Finally,hoping to break the ice,he said,"You know, honey,I'm not myself today." "Really?" she said. "I hadn't noticed the improvement."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-20-2003 07:59 AM                        Rated G Browbeaten Bill once told me that his marriage was secure. "My wife would never file for divorce from me. She'd never do anything to make me happy!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-21-2003 06:31 AM                        Rated G Each evening bird lover Bill stood in his backyard hooting like an owl - and one night,an owl called back to him. For a year,Bill and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. Bill even kept a log of the "conversation."Just as Bill thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication,his wife had a chat with next door neighbor, Tammy. "My husband spends his nights...calling out to owls," said Bills wife. "That's odd," Tammy replied. "So does my Doug." Then it dawned on them.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-22-2003 09:15 PM                        Rated G One day I called my mother from my apartment to make some plans with her. In the background behind her, I could hear a terrible noise, like a jet plane taking off. "Mother," I asked apprehensively, "what's that awful noise?" "It's the dishwasher," she replied. "Your father fixed it."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-27-2003 07:56 AM                        Rated G "Marriage is very difficult. Marriage is like a 5,000 piece puzzle- all sky." --Cathy Ladman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-31-2003 07:45 AM                        Rated G The attractive woman, admired by all the husbands at the club, was talking to one of the wives over drinks. "I've developed an immunity to being used by men as a sex object." The wife grinned and replied,"That's not surprising darling... considering the number of times you've been inoculated."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-01-2003 08:14 AM                        Rated G Sign outside a secondhand shop. We exchange anything --Bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?  |  IP: Logged Kris Brunton Expert Film Handler Posts: 108 From: Napanee, Ontario, Canada Registered: Apr 2000 posted 06-03-2003 11:31 AM                     Rated PG A man left from work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 94 pages: 1  2  3  ...  38  39  40  41  42  43  44  ...  92  93  94

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.