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Topic: Husbands & Wives
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-12-2003 06:11 AM
Rated PG ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty-four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!"
Again, there is a bright flash and...... both his legs fall off. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bill Gabel
Film God
Posts: 3873
From: Technicolor / Postworks NY, USA
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted 06-12-2003 12:41 PM
Rated PG ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Strange Diseases
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked , "Ewww- what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?" "I had Tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked. "No, Tolio. The disease only affected my toes." The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose. "What's wrong with your knees?" she asked . "They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child. I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear. "Don't tell me." she said, "Let me guess.... Smallcox
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-16-2003 07:10 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard,
saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write,but the bank was happy to do business with him,even though his signature consisted of two X's.
He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to
private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one
staircase going nowhere just for show)...you get the idea. One
day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by.
"So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked,a bit anxiously.
Smith waved a bunch of checks at him."Perhaps nothing," he
said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side.These recent checks
of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record
has just 2."
Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making trouble," he said,"but my vife said that since I'm now such a high class rich guy,I should have a middle name!"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-17-2003 08:20 AM
Rated G
Tarzan and Jane were expecting their fourth child and were pretty
strapped for cash, so Tarzan decided to go into the used crocodile business.
Monday morning he got up early,shaved, put on his best loin
cloth,swung down to the river,and spent the whole day fighting, haggling over and hassling with cranky crocs.
As dusk fell, a wan Tarzan swung back to the treehouse and
demanded, "Quick, Jane, a martini!"
Tossing it back he barked, "Another, Jane, on the double!"
Gulping it down, he held out his glass again. "One more, Jane."
"Aw, honey, don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?" she chided gently.
"You don't understand, Jane... it's a jungle out there."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 06-17-2003 12:28 PM
Rated G
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said," That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the 'street'."
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