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Author Topic: Husbands & Wives Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-09-2003 07:02 AM                        Rated G Father of ?? A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they attended a party. When the man decided it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well, he shouted across the room at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, finally shouted back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-09-2003 03:13 PM                        Rated PG A funeral service is being held in a Synagogue for a woman who has just passed away.At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out,when they accidentally bump into a wall,jarring the casket.They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years,and then dies.A ceremony is again held at the same Synagogue,and at the end of the ceremony,the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.As they are walking down the aisle the husband cries out,"Watch out for the wall!!!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-10-2003 07:24 PM                        Rated G Michele A nervous groom is giving his speech at the wedding reception. The couple had been given a very nice coffee set by her parents. "I'd like to thank you all for coming here to celebrate our wedding. I'd like to thank the beautiful bridesmaids and finally I'd like to thank my new parents-in-law for the gift of a perky copulater."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-14-2003 02:43 AM                        Rated G Sarah was reading a newspaper,while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly,she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said,not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him,Sarah said,"Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said."Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over," he said.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-14-2003 02:58 AM                        Rated G Rated G Lorraine His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning her husband, William. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said William.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-14-2003 03:17 AM                        Rated G A awful lot of couples these days suffer through an aging problem:he won't act his,and she won't tell hers.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-14-2003 02:32 PM                        Rated G Michele After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled,"Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-17-2003 10:36 AM                        Rated G Doug and Tammy were having a very heated argument. Tammy shouts at Doug,"You don't deserve a woman like me." Doug retorted,"Yeah,well I don't deserve arthritis either,but I got that too."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 10:04 AM                        Rated G The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter. "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something." "Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl. Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?" "Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?" "Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 10:06 AM                        Rated G Michele A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. She commented, "I don't think that's going to help." "Sure it will." he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 10:08 AM                        Rated G My husband and I both work,so our family eats out a lot. Recently,when we were having a rare home-cooked meal,I handed a glass to my three year old and asked her to please drink her milk. She looked at me bewildered, "But I didn't order milk."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 11:13 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Did you hear about the invisible man that married the invisible woman? Yeah,their kids aren't much to look at either.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-22-2003 11:23 AM                        Rated G According to the latest surveys, when making love,most married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-24-2003 06:29 AM                        Rated X Sex Therapy Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self hypnosis. To her joy, everything got much better. However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes. This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him. There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique: "She's not my wife... She's not my wife... She's not my wife..."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-24-2003 12:12 PM                        Rated G Louise Another wash day here again Guess I better get to it Oh No!!!! My washing machine needs fixin' Husband says, "Don't worry Honey, I can do it" Those are words I don't want to hear Whenever he "fixes" I become petrified with fear So there he goes lookin' for his wrench Now where did he leave it last I better get out the phone book and find a repairman....fast! "You don't need a repairman I can fix a "little" leak" Oh dear, I can hardly breathe My washday future is lookin' mighty bleak "Hey Hon.....Where's my hammer" "Hammer??? Hammer????" I begin to stammer Yellow Pages.... Lookin' under "R" I gotta find a repairman that's not too far Oh Gee.....not "R" I have to get a grip here Under "Washing Machine Repair" Need one that's really near "HEY HONEY!!!!!!" He's yellin' at me, "HURRY AND BRING DOWN A BUNCH OF TOWELS" I'm runnin' as fast as I can "OH NO!!!!!" What am I going to do with this man???? Water comin' out here and there Water comin' out EVERYWHERE!!! "I'm callin' the repairman" So up the stairs I go He yells...... "NOOOO....I got it under control" Yeah...so I see Water only to the ankles instead of the knees And that's the story of my wash day blues Now I'm here at the appliance store Let me see..... Which new washing machine shall I choose:D  |  IP: Logged

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