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Author Topic: Medical Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2003 08:08 AM                        Rated PG "Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician solicitously. "Nah," replied the blonde mother to be. "He and my husband don't get along."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2003 03:19 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee DOC, I HAVE A QUESTION "Doc," said the husband, "I got nine kids and the wife's expecting again. How do I stop the stork?" The doctor replied, "Shoot it in the air!" [ 04-05-2003, 06:56 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-05-2003 06:54 AM                        Rated G A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-06-2003 03:30 PM                        Rated G A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering." "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $650 for 24 months, plus payments for extras." "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!" "Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-08-2003 02:37 PM                        Rated G Alex Medical research has now confirmed that marijuana use has definite medicinal properties for treatment of glaucoma and other illnesses. The IRS has now ruled that expenses of medicinal marijuana can be deducted as a medical expense, but only if you file a joint return.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-16-2003 08:07 AM                        Rated G NURSES Unapproved Acronyms CDT: Circling the drain. SDY: Should have Died Yesterday BTF: Bought the Farm  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-16-2003 08:17 AM                        RATED G How to tell a new nurse from an experienced nurse.... A new nurse keeps detailed notes on a pad. An experienced nurse writes on the back of a hand,paper scraps,napkins,or anything else she can find.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-22-2003 09:40 AM                        Rated R Eye Exam A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating." The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?" The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-22-2003 11:32 AM                        Rated PG Alex Drug use, the legal drugs... Prescription drugs should be kept far out of reach of children, even if they cry, "Please, please, may I have my medicine?" Some people say you should not exceed the recommended dosage on the bottle. But,come on, it's medicine-it's good for you. Stay away from that Lipitor shit. It's like hosting a Filipino drag-queen knife fight in your skull. If you take medication daily, a useful accessory is a seven-day pill case, which helps you keep track of your intake and serves as a depressing symbol of your mortality. If the pharmacist says your prescription will take 45 minutes to an hour to fill, say "Oh, no," and fall over dead. Never mix prescription painkillers with alcohol, unless you like to party really, really hard. Most people don't realize how much pharmacists enjoy haggling over the price of medications. To reduce the risk of mix-ups at the pharmacy,bring a bat with a nail in it. Most pills should not be taken on an empty stomach. Sprinkle a handful onto a salad. If your pharmacist doesn't offer to have one with you right there in the store, the shit's probably no good. If you are ever in doubt about the safety of a particular medication, consult a qualified physician.He will be happy to pooh-pooh your concerns.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-23-2003 03:47 PM                        Rated G Doug goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?" The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in the morning!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-24-2003 06:56 AM                        Rated G "A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running." --Groucho Marx  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-24-2003 08:43 AM                        Rated G Dooley was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do? He replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get the helicopter from?" Dooley replied, "The same place you got the train!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-25-2003 07:26 PM                        Rated G A man goes to a surgeon and convinces him that he wants to have the experience of having a baby. "Impossible,"says the surgeon. "But I need that experience,"insists the man. Eventually the surgeon agrees,and tells the man to come back next day for the operation. Next day he is put out and operated on.When he comes around he asks the surgeon if the operation was successful. "Yes,perfect." "When will I have the experience of having a baby?"asks the man. "Just as soon as you have drunk this pint of olive oil,"says the surgeon. "How's that going to give me the experience?" "Because I have sewn up your ass.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-25-2003 07:36 PM                        Rated G There was a young man went to the doctor and said he wanted to getmarried but he was worried about the small size of his member.Thedoctor advised him to go and stay on a farm,dip his wick in milkseveral times a day,and have it sucked by a calf. Some months later when they met in the street,the doctor said,"How's your marriage?" "Oh,I didn't get married doctor,I bought a calf instead." [ 04-27-2003, 03:51 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-27-2003 03:53 AM                        Rated PG Captain Silver Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her,she grabs his crotch.The dentist says,"Madam,I believe you've got a hold of my privates."The woman replies,"Yes.Now,we're going to be careful not to hurt each other,aren't we."  |  IP: Logged

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