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Author Topic: Medical Bill Gabel Film God Posts: 3873 From: Technicolor / Postworks NY, USA Registered: Jan 2002 posted 06-17-2003 12:30 PM                     Double Dose Disaster Rated PG-13 A man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose. "Why not?" asked the man. "Because it's not safe," replied the doctor. "But I need it really bad," said the man. "Well, why do you need it so badly?" asked the doctor. The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. I must have a double dose." The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects." On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling. The doctor asked, "What happened to you?" The man said, "No one showed up!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-18-2003 06:05 PM                        Rated PG Denny in Yonkers MEDICAL WONDER PILLS D A M I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours. --------------------------------- St. M O M'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. ---------------------------------------------- E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. --------------------------------- P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. -------------------------- D U M E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music. --------------------- F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. --------------------------- M E N I C I L L I N Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,"You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?" ---------------------- B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. increases potency and duration of spending spree. ----------------------------------------- Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura. ----------------------------------- J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. ---------------------------------------- A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to sharetheir life stories with total strangers. --------------------------- S E X C E D R I N More effective than Excedrin in treating the,"Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome. ----------------------- R A G A M E T When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging onhim all weekend,saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself. [ 06-24-2003, 03:10 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 03:10 PM                        Rated G A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic, and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2003 03:55 PM                        Rated G While working as a radiologic technician in a hospital emergency room, I took X rays of a trauma patient. I brought the films to our radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs and pelvis. "What happened to this patient?" he asked in astonishment. "He fell out of a tree," I reported. The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree. "I'm not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Asplundh Tree Experts." Gazing intently at the X rays, the radiologist blinked and said, "Cross out 'experts.'"  |  IP: Logged Bill Gabel Film God Posts: 3873 From: Technicolor / Postworks NY, USA Registered: Jan 2002 posted 06-24-2003 05:22 PM                     A Delicate Operation Rated PG13 A well known, much-married movie star said to her doctor, "I have a new boyfriend and he's 18, so I want you to tighten my vagina, This has to be our secret-no tabloids, definitely no leaks."Her doctor was standing there when she woke up after the operation. `She looked at the foot of the bed and saw three bouquets of flowers. She said angrily to the doctor, "How could you do this to me? I told you this was to be a secret." The doctor said , "Relax. The first bouquet is from me. The second is from the anesthesiologist- he worked with me on your operation. He's gay and very trustworthy. He won't tell a soul. And the third bouquet is from a guy in the burns unit who wanted to thank you for his new pair of ears."  |  IP: Logged Bill Gabel Film God Posts: 3873 From: Technicolor / Postworks NY, USA Registered: Jan 2002 posted 06-24-2003 05:52 PM                     Decisions Decisions Rated PG Whit goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm having trouble getting it up." The doctor examines him and say, "You'll need to have some work done to bring back your sex drive. I can do it in a series of operations that will take thirty days and cost twelve thousand dollars, or I can do it in one operation right away that would cost thirty thousand dollars. Why don't you go home and discuss it with your wife?" The next day Whit comes back into the doctor's office. The doctor says, "What did you decide?" Whit says, "Were going to re-do the kitchen."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2003 08:54 AM                        Rated G Michele Top 20 Euphemisms for Penis Enlargement Surgery 20. Genetalial Pinocchiotomy 19. Expanding Drilling Operations in Your Wildlife Preserve 18. Doubling the Interest Rate on Your Mutual Fun 17. Peter Padding 16. Plumping the Ball Park Frank 15. Expanding Your "Top 5" to a "Top 9" 14. Replacing Richard II with Richard III 13. Putting the Archbishop on the Rack 12. Puffin' the Magic Dragon 11. Supersizing Big Mac 10. Adding a Wing to the Sexual Addiction Unit 9. Putting the Munchkin on Stilts 8. Kicking the Cajun Sausage Up a Notch 7. Trading in the Escort for a Stretch Limo 6. Getting a Magic Johnson 5. Preparing to Boldly Go Where No Manhood has Gone Before 4. Feeding Mowgli to Kaa 3. Turning Crouching Tiger into Hidden Dragon 2. Upgrading Passenger Johnson to First Class 1. Taking the Train from Vienna to Frankfurt  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2003 12:51 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Several American nurses were training at a hospital in Liverpool,England.These nurses had little money for meals,so they ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex,and sometimes kindly visitors would give them some of the treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them. One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said to one of the nurses,"Would you eat this up, love?" She and another American student nurse devoured every delicious crumb! Soon the woman returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-27-2003 02:39 PM                        Rated G "Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient. "I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid." "The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal," the doctor said. "If anything is overactive, it's your fork."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-27-2003 02:43 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office,and his staff was helping transport many of the items.I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained,"I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-30-2003 05:44 PM                        Rated g A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic, and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-30-2003 06:14 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Incontinence Hot line..............Can you hold please? [ 07-02-2003, 04:37 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-02-2003 04:36 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee "The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-02-2003 04:45 AM                        Rated G Janine Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-02-2003 04:59 AM                        Rated G Woman: Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawn mower. Doctor: That's terrible, Why didn't you bring him in sooner? Woman: Because the neighbor just returned him this morning.  |  IP: Logged

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