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Author Topic: Medical Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-21-2004 10:10 AM                        Rated G Doctor to elderly patient: "Mr. Smith, that last check you gave me came back." Patient: "Then we're even, Doc. So did my arthritis."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-05-2004 12:34 PM                        Rated G While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-05-2004 03:04 PM                        Rated G During training as a medical-group receptionist, she was told never to recommend one doctor over another, but simply state who had available appointments. One day a woman came in and looked at her conspiratorially. "I'm a nurse," she whispered, "and I know the staff always knows which doctors are good and which aren't. Who do you think I should see?" Knowing her supervisor was listening close by, she tried to sound most professional. "Oh, I'm sorry," she replied. "I can't recommend any of our doctors." "Well, you must know!" said the nurse, heading for the door.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2004 04:28 AM                        Rated G Hank in Simi Valley There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists youtell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this. You got to love the way this old guy handled it. An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied,"You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private. "The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others,if the answer could embarrass anyone." The man walked out,waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't piss out of it," the man replied. The doctor's office erupted in laughter. Have a great day!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2004 04:46 AM                        Rated G A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams. He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing, "On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . . " The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse. "Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again. "On the road again . . . Just can't wait to get on the road again . . ." "So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery. "But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student. "Are you kidding?" replied the Examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2004 08:20 AM                        Rated G A couple is pregnant with their fourth child. When they were in getting an ultrasound,the nurse asked if they wanted to know what the baby was. The father said they would, only if it was a girl. The nurse replied, "One of them is."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-21-2004 01:47 PM                        Rated G A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick. The doctor suggests, "Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock." The guy replies, "Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?" The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-31-2004 01:01 PM                        Rated PG Ed in Aurora My friend went to see the doctor about a persistent cough that no medication seemed to help. The doctor's final advice was" Go home,eat a whole box of Ex-lax and tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-07-2004 08:47 PM                        Rated G What is a Gynaecolgist? A gynaecolgist is the olnly fool on earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-15-2004 01:22 PM                        Rated G Have you heard about the amazing new discovery? It's a pill that is half aspirin and half glue for people who have splitting headaches.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-18-2004 10:29 AM                        Rated G Frank in CT While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2004 12:17 PM                        Rated G Waiting for an elevator at our hospital, I stood next to a maintenance man holding a bicycle pump. Noticing my curious stares, he looked at me and remarked with a grin, "It's the new HMO oxygen program."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2004 12:34 PM                        Rated G A woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks the assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband. Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles. Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer. At that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the physician and asks, "Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?" "I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my darn bag open."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2004 12:57 PM                        Rated G Medicare has now decided to recognize obesity as an illness. Oh man, and you thought Medicare was bankrupt before! It's bad enough when workers call in sick, but now they're going to be calling in fat. "Hey, boss, I can't come in. I'm a little chubby today. Yeah, the union got me ten fat days a year."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-14-2004 02:01 PM                        Rated PG Pain Killer A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes." The man grabs the doc's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!" So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas." The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas." So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill." The man asks "What is it?" The doc replies, "Viagra." The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks. "No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"  |  IP: Logged

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