|
|
 
|
|
Author
|
Topic: Aviation
|
|
|
Gordon Bachlund
Jedi Master Film Handler
Posts: 696
From: Monrovia, CA, USA
Registered: Aug 1999
|
posted 12-25-2003 01:39 PM
As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Gus sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"
When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Gus, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cock pit. Now it's the box office."
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 01-07-2004 07:02 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its final approach.The pilot comes on the intercom,"This is your Captain.We're on our final descent into Tampa.I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay."
He forgets to switch off the intercom.Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.The copilot says to the pilot,"Well,skipper,watcha gonna do in Tampa?"
"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap.... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner..... then I'm gonna wine and dine her,take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night."
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess.Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane.She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle,she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says:"No need to hurry,dear.He's gotta take a shit first." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 01-13-2004 03:24 PM
Rated G
The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story:
"I was on a plane last week,from Chicago to California,when we
ran into some very severe turbulence.
As it got worse,the passengers became more and more alarmed,and
even the flight attendants began to look concerned.
Finally,one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of my name on the passenger list,came over to me,and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening.Do you suppose you could,I don't know...do something religious?'"
"So I took up a collection."
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 01-20-2004 11:41 AM
Rated G
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and
civilian aircraft use the other side of the field,with the
control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,"What time is it?"
The tower responded,"Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied,"What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an
American Airlines flight,it is 3 o'clock.If it is an Air Force
plane,it is 1500 hours.If it is a Navy aircraft,it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft,the big hand is on the 12 and the
little hand is on the 3.If it is a Marine Corps aircraft,it's
Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
| IP: Logged
|
|
Paul Mayer
Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under!
Posts: 3836
From: Albuquerque, NM
Registered: Feb 2000
|
posted 01-24-2004 12:39 PM
Rated G
In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope".
"I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed.
"'90 knots,' Center replied.
"Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same.
"'120 knots,' Center answered.
"We obviously weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, 'Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests a groundspeed readout.'
"There was a slight pause, then the response, '525 knots on the ground, Dusty.'
"Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison."
"Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?
"There was a longer than normal pause .... 'Aspen, I show 1,742 knots.'
"No further groundspeed inquiries were heard on that frequency.
* * * * *
In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL600 (60,000 ft). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?"
The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it."
He was cleared.
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 01-27-2004 09:18 AM
Rated G
DOGS ON PLANES
A man is sitting in an airliner,which is about to takeoff when
another man with a Labrador Retriever occupies the 2 empty seats beside him.
The Lab is situated in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline.
The airline rep said, "Don't mind Sniffer; he's a sniffing dog, the best there is; I'll show you once we get airborne when
I put him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man,"Watch this." He tells the dog, "Sniffer, search."
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm.
He says, "Good boy."
The airline rep turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this and her seat number for the police who will apprehend her on arrival.
"Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again he sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and places two paws on the handler's arm. The airline rep says, "That man is carrying cocaine,so again I'm making a note of this and the seat number."
"I like it!" says the first man.
A third time the rep sends Sniffer to search the aisles. Sniffer goes up and down the plane and after a while sits down next to someone. He then comes racing back, jumps up onto his seat, and poops all over the aisle and the seat.
The first man is really grossed out by this behavior from a supposedly well-trained sniffing dog and asks, "What the hell is going on with this stupid dog?
The handler nervously replies, "He just found a bomb! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Paul Mayer
Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under!
Posts: 3836
From: Albuquerque, NM
Registered: Feb 2000
|
posted 02-23-2004 12:32 AM
Rated G
Here's what I expect my navigation students to understand by the end of the term:
The pilot knows where he is at all times. He knows this because he knows where he isn't. By subtracting where he is from where he isn't, he obtains a difference or course deviation. The pilot then uses course deviations to generate corrections that enable him to pilot his plane from a position where he is to a position where he isn't, arriving at the position where he wasn't and now is.
Consequently, the position where he is now is the position where he wasn't, and it follows that the position where he was is the position where he isn't. In the event that the position where he now is is not the position where he wasn't, the pilot's navigation computations have acquired a variation caused by external factors. The variation is the difference between where the airplane is and where the airplane wasn't. If the variation is considered to be a significant factor, it too may be corrected for by use of a controlled variable technique, however the pilot must know where he was also.
The thought process is as follows: Because a variation has modified some of the information which the pilot has obtained, he is not sure where he is. However, he is sure where he isn't (within reason) and he knows where he was. The pilot now subtracts where he shouldn't be from where he wasn't and by differentiating this, then obtaining the algebraic difference between where he shouldn't be and where he was, he knows where he isn't.
The pilot is now able to obtain the difference between his course deviation and his variation, which is called error. This allows the pilot to know where he should be and where he wasn't, where he shouldn't be and where he was, and thus know where he isn't, which is the essential factor in knowing where he is.
Or you can just look it up on the GPS.
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM
6.3.1.2
The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion
and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.
|
Home
Printer-friendly view of this topic