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Author Topic: Business Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2004 12:59 PM                        Rated G "It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant." -- Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2004 01:13 PM                        Rated G Jill had gotten a job in a collections department.She had to call all the delinquent customers, asking for payment,while still being courteous.After working there for a few months, she had become quite good at her job but realized that many of these customers were routinely delinquent.One man in particular had to be called every month and during this conversation with him,he interrupted her little speech and asked, "Excuse me, are you available?" Jill quickly replied, "Not as long as your name comes up on my computer screen."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2004 09:07 PM                        Rated G The shoe dealer was interviewing a potential salesman. "Suppose," he said, "a lady customer were to remark while you were trying to fit her, 'Don't you think one of my feet is bigger than the other?' What would you say?" "I would say, 'On the contrary, Ma'am, one is smaller than the other.'" "The job is yours."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2004 09:10 PM                        Rated PG One day, a painter found himself short of help and went to the unemployment office to hire someone for the day. When he arrived,they didn't have any painters available, but they did have a gynecologist there. He reluctantly took him along to help. A couple of weeks later, the painter returned to the unemployment office needing temporary help again. This time there were two painters there, but instead he asked for the gynecologist again. The clerk asked, "Why do you want a gynecologist when we have two professional painters you can take right now?" He said, "Two weeks ago when I hired the gynecologist, we arrived at the house and it was locked with nobody home. But I'll be damned if that gynecologist didn't stick his hand through the mail slot and paint the whole house!!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2004 09:35 AM                        Rated G B.B. Bill was just settling in to a barber's chair when he overheard the elderly man next to him say, "I"m not much for pills, but I'm taking Ginkgo-Viagra. I want to remember what sex was like."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-10-2004 08:41 PM                        Rated G My sister, went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," she said, "they've registered for Nintendo games." [ 01-11-2004, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2004 10:37 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Jessica goes to the drug store to buy her new husband some toiletries. A clerk comes up to help her and asks if she needs assistance. "I'm looking for some deodorant for my husband Joe, but I don't know what type he uses." The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?" "No," says Jessica, it's for his underarms."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2004 10:39 AM                        Rated G Fryin Bacon Nekkid I was in Target today looking for Dr. Phil's diet book. There were no books in the designated spot, only an abandoned bag of Oreos.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2004 05:58 PM                        Rated PG Lorraine Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor.The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit. Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor. This tailor measured Abraham,then measured the cloth,and then smiled and said,"There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers,a coat and a vest,please come back in a week to take your suit." After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor's son wearing trousers made of the same cloth.Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?" "It's very simple," replied the tailor,"The other tailor has two sons."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2004 01:54 PM                        Rated XXX A hasidic girl working in B&H Customer Service walks into the men'slunchroom and asks,"Who's the fucking manager?" Eyes rolled in disbelief. Only after repeating her question a few times to the shocked audience,a man asked her slowly,"What's the problem?" She says,"There's an angry customer requesting that he wants to speak to the fucking manager,I told him that we have a shipping manager,a sales manager but I never heard of a fucking manager.. "  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2004 02:12 PM                        Rated G A newspaperman once asked a famous actress notorious for her many romances if she was engaged to a man she had been seen with at night spots. "That's the trouble with you newspapermen," she answered sharply; "A girl can't go to bed with a man without somebody saying she's engaged to him."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2004 02:13 PM                        Rated G The Detroit Auto Show astonished car reporters with the gigantic size of the new SUVs on the convention floor last week. One thing is clear.Sport Utility Vehicles provide proof that the obesity epidemic in America isn't limited to people.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2004 02:15 PM                        Rated PG Michele A Florida man has purchased 240 acres which he hopes to turn into a Christian nudist camp. He's hired Tammy Faye to promote it but for those of you with a weak stomach don't worry,you'll only see her from the neck down.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2004 03:15 PM                        Rated PG Michele A girl says to the salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker." He says, "Well, that depends. Are you going to sweat,or are you gonna break wind?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2004 02:41 PM                        Rated PG My cousin owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in Miami,a furniture store.I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to check out the merchandise himself And because he was still single, he could check out all the hot Italian women and maybe get lucky. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English--neither understood a word the other spoke. So he took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled,nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later,he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded.So they went to dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted.They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne,danced and had a glorious evening.It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was dumbfounded. To this day he says that he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.  |  IP: Logged

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