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Author Topic: Business Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-10-2004 09:37 AM                        Rated G You say you served in the Army?" said the restaurant manager, as he sampled the new cook's first soup. "Yes, sir. Officer's cook for two years and wounded twice." "You're lucky, man. It's a wonder they didn't kill you."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-10-2004 09:46 AM                        Rated G Michele I read in the paper today about a restaurant opened in Philadelphia that serves nothing but cereals. An all cereal restaurant! There's a way to impress a date. 'I'll have the Count Chocula, the lady will have the Frankenberry.' --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-10-2004 09:51 AM                        Rated G Michele A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-10-2004 09:53 AM                        Rated PG Michele A local lady was having breakfast at a fancy restaurant, making a big fuss as usual. "Now, young man", she demanded of the waiter, "Make sure my toast is crisp, my egg is soft but not runny, and I will not abide sausage with the mixed grill. One sight of sausage makes the short curly hairs on the back of my head stand on end." "What a coincidence", replied the waiter. "One sight of short curly hairs makes my sausage stand on end."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2004 11:36 AM                        Rated G Quirk Customer Service Sign: Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders. If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2004 11:37 AM                        Rated G : Michele Retailers are noticing a drop-off in sales since a strong post- Thanksgiving weekend. Experts say consumers will return to the mall just as soon as they save up enough money to fill their cars with gas.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2004 11:38 AM                        Rated G B.B. I'd much rather work in New York than in Los Angeles. For a start, you get paid three hours earlier.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2004 12:58 PM                        Rated G Besides stocking shelves and packing groceries,I’m responsible for keeping the shopping carts arranged neatly at the entrance of the store where I work. One day I went outside to collect the abandoned carts and as I was pushing a bunch up a fairly steep incline,my hat flew off, revealing my 50-something grey hair. Not wanting to lose ground, I kept pushing. Soon a van pulled up beside me, and an elderly man leaned out the window. "Now don’t you wish you’d stayed in school, son?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2004 01:03 PM                        Rated G Andrew James Gordon Bennett, a fussy editor at the New York Herald, had some strange newspaper rules. For example, he insisted that all his reporters use the word "night" instead of "evening" "night is a more exact term." Bennett was shown the error of his ways when a reporter filed a story about a party with a description of a society woman who "looked ravishing in a pink silk night gown."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 02:51 PM                        Rated G Mary G I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in Washington State. For years, customers complained about our postcard-sized bills -- which they said looked too much like junk mail. So we decided to start sending full-sized bills in envelopes. The month before the switch, I had a note printed on the cards, announcing the change. Two days later, I heard someone yelling at our receptionist, "Is this some kind of joke?" When the customer threw his bill upon the desk, I saw his point. The note was, "Coming soon! New larger bills!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 02:55 PM                        Rated PG Michele The operators of a rope tow in a popular ski area were having trouble with non-ticket purchasers sneaking onto the ski lift. Finally, one of the operators stayed at his post operating the tow, while the other, wearing a discarded pair of skis, elbowed his way to the head of the line. The tow operator promptly called him back, "Hey, where's your lift ticket?" "I don't need a ticket to ride this tow." At this, the tow operator produced an ax and, with two blows, deftly chopped off the fronts of his partner's skis, just ahead of his toes. With the crowd of skiers staring in amazement, the operator lowered his ax and turned to the crowd, "Anyone else out there who doesn't have a lift ticket?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 02:56 PM                        Rated G Michele The whole neighborhood shook from the explosion. As shopkeepers ran outside to see what happened, they spotted the pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building. His white uniform was now scorched black. He went up to a woman standing nearby. "Lady!" he said, "Would you please ask your doctor to write that prescription again. And this time, PRINT IT!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 03:33 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Returning home from her first day at her first job, my 16-year-old daughter excitedly told me her salary and described her benefits, one of which was that she could charge any purchase she made in the store and it would be deducted from her pay. When I cautioned her not to let the charging get out of hand, she rolled her eyes, as only a teenager can. A couple of weeks later I picked her up after work. "Well," I asked, "what does it feel like to get your very first paycheck?" She stared out the window for a moment, then replied, "I owe them $5.74."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 03:34 PM                        Rated G In our research and development organization, the boss was a stickler for arriving on time, and everyone was required to sign in. Promptly at 8:30 a.m., a red line was drawn across the sheet and latecomers had to sign beneath it. Dennis, a brilliant mathematician, often had to sign beneath the red line. One rainy morning while Dennis was signing in, a gruff voice behind him said, "Late again, eh?" Dennis turned to find the boss standing in a dripping raincoat. "Yes, sir," Dennis replied. "So am I."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 03:50 PM                        Rated G Employees at our company were warned to be careful with our very expensive and sensitive photocopier. All metal fasteners on the papers were to be removed before any documents were inserted into the machine. To reinforce this, a sign above it read: caution. staples and paper clips can cause serious and costly internal damage. Below that, someone pencilled, "So stop eating them!"  |  IP: Logged

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