Excellent poems by not so famous poets... found on toilet doors and walls.

A budding poet trying his BEST
Graffiti 1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...
Washroom Graffiti 2
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Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Some one who had a different experience wrote
Washroom Graffiti 3
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You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

Perhaps it is true that people get inspiration in toilets
Washroom Graffiti 4
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose
Washroom Graffiti 5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...

Toilets walls are also job advertisement places.......
Washroom Graffiti 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire
Department wants you.

Ministry of environment advertisement
Washroom Graffiti 7
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!

Washroom Graffiti 8
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
seen above a urinal:
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!

Washroom Graffiti 9
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the inside of a toilet door:
Patrons are requested to remain seated
throughout the entire performance.

Washroom Graffiti 10
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a sign at a swimming pool bathroom:
We don't swim in your toilet, so please don't pee in
our pool.

Washroom Graffiti 11
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another sign seen at a swimming pool:
Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.

This should teach you a lesson
Washroom Graffiti 12
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign seen at a restaurant:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your
food...please aim properly.

WHILE TOURING HISTORIC BUILDINGS in Alexandria, Va., we visited an old church.The guide said that George Washington had attended services there and pointed to his pew.

A reverent silence fell.The guide, encouraged,went on to tell us that church services back then had been very lengthy--not infrequently lasting three hours.

The mood of the moment was shattered when an anonymous voice whispered loudly, "So George Washington slept here too!"

The following actual sign was seen in a New York restaurant:

"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

If you learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike...

If you know what "cow-tipping" is.....

If "Down South" to you means Chicago...

If traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee...

If the "Big Three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR...

If you know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.....

If you have no problem spelling Milwaukee..

If you got a passport to go to Minnesota...

If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon...

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles

If you can eat the same foods every day and be grateful for it

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time

If you can overlook when people are taking things out on you when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment

If you can conquer tension without medical help

If you can relax without liquor

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs

If you can do all of these things,

Then you are probably the family dog.

Halloween Titles

Robbers who got away with it - Hugh Dunnit

Mysterious Murders - Ivor Clue

Keeping snake pets - Sir Pent

The Omen - B.Warned

Chased by a werewolf - Claude Bottom

The bad tempered werewolf - Claudia Armoff

The Vampire's victim - E.Drew Blood

Never make a witch angry - Sheila Tack

Ghost stories - I.M. Scared

Going on a witch hunt - Count Miout

I saw a witch in the mirror - Douglas Cracked

The greediest monster in the world - Buster Gutt

The vampire hanging on the cliff - Alf Hall

The hungry yeti - Aida Lott

When a wizard knocks at your door - Wade Aminit

Don't go near a vampire - Al Scream

Tracking monsters - Woody Hurt

I met the Abominable Snowman - Anne Tarctic

Monsters I have known - O.Penjaw

My best friend, the Witch - Anne Otherwitch

Foaming at the mouth - Dee Monic

Wizard from another world - A.Lee-En

I saw a witch - Denise R.Knockin

In the witch's cauldron - Mandy Ceased

Boo - Terry Fied

I met a vampire - Pearce Nex

The ghost of a witch - Eve L. Spirit

How to feed werewolves - Nora Bone

Black Magic - Sue Pernatural

Witch's Coven - De Ville Worshipper

Terrible Spells - B.Witcher

Collecting reptiles - Ivor Frog

How to be a witch - Ruth Less

Swallowing Dr Jeckyll's Potion - Iris Keverything

I saw a vampire - Ron Fast

A ghost in my house - Olive N.Fear

Collecting Mosquitoes - Lara Bites

How to escape from a witch - Shelby Lucky

How to keep a vampire from your house - Dora Steele

Make money from rich wizards -Marie Mee

When to go witch hunting - Mae B. Tomorrow

Houseful of ghosts - Roxie Horrer

Bungee jumping with monsters - Wade R. Go

A wizards biography - Eli D. Constantly

The hungry giant - Ethan D.Lot

Escape from the vampire - Jess N Time

I caught the Loch Ness Monster - Janet A. Bigwun

My crystal ball - Thea Lot

How I became a werewolf - Olive Alone

Rated G Sir Robert

I was getting a box of cherrios at the store, and the check-out lady asked me, "Do you want a bag"

I replied, "No, I divorced her."

Dear Idiot,
You have been given this citation for being a true MORON because you:

[ ] selfishly,
[ ] foolishly,
[ ] dangerously, and/or
[ ] rudely
[ ] failed to signal to change lanes.
[ ] cut people off.
[ ] tailgated.
[ ] crossed the gore.
[ ] left lane bombed.
[ ] right lane bombed.
[ ] drove slow in the fast lane.
[ ] drove fast in the slow lane.
[ ] don't understand "slow traffic keep right."
[ ] don't understand "left lane passing only."
[ ] parked in a handicapped spot without displaying authorization.
[ ] parked like an $@#%!$!!
[ ] created a new parking spot where none exists.
[ ] turned right on red when traffic was approaching.
[ ] created gridlock.
[ ] rubbernecked.
[ ] threw garbage out the window.
[ ] ______________________________.

You are an idiot because you:
[ ] weren't paying attention.
[ ] were driving while using a cell phone.
[ ] are just an idiot.
[ ] ______________________________.

To remedy this problem, please
[ ] walk.
[ ] take public transportation.
[ ] just stay home.
[ ] get a clue.
[ ] get a life.
[ ] stop breathing.
[ ] short pier/long drive.
[ ] take driving lessons.
[ ] learn how to read (signs, drivers manual, etc.)
[ ] ____________________________.

To ensure your public disgrace
[ ] a photo of your car
[ ] a photo of you
[ ] your license plate number
[ ] a full description of your car
[ ] a full description of you
[ ] ____________________________.

will be submitted for publication (or prosecution) to
the following organization
________________________________________________.

An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Neils Bohr, in Copenhagen,and was amazed to find that over his desk a horseshoe was nailed to the wall.

The American said with a nervous laugh, "Surely you don't believe that horseshoe will bring you good luck, do you,Professor Bohr?"

Bohr chuckled. "I believe no such thing, my good friend.Not at all. I am scarcely likely to believe in such foolish nonsense. However, I am told that a horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not!"

PEOPLE ARE LIKE POTATOES...

*Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands.They are called "Dick Tators"

*Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work.They are called "Speck Tators"

*Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding
fault with the way others do the work.They are called "Comment Tators"

*Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them.It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.They are called "Agie Tators"

*There are those who say they will help, but just never get around
to actually doing the promised help.They are called "Hezzie Tators"

*Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.They are called "Emma Tators"

*Then there are those who love and do what they say they will.They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand.They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.They are called "Sweet Tators"

**Footnote... there are a lot of "Sweet Tators" who I've been blessed with knowing here at Film-Tech, and I want you all to know how very special you are!!

This is from an actual article in the Costa Mesa, Calif., Orange Coast Pilot:

"A special course on shoplifting techniques will be offered Nov. 10 for those who want to prepare for the Christmas season early."

2002 VOCABULARY TERMS

CEO ... Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO ... Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET ... A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET ... An extended period when kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING ... The art of buying low, and selling lower.

P/E RATIO ... The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market goes lower.

BROKER ... What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR ... My life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST ... Idiot who just downgraded my stock.

STOCK SPLIT ... When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets between them.

FINANCIAL PLANNER ... A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION ... The day after I buy stocks.

CASH FLOW ... The movement my money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO ... What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker.

WINDOWS 2000 ... What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker above.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR ... Last year's investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT ... an archaic word, no longer in use.

ALL IN A NAME!

Lawyer's daughter: Sue

Thief's Son: Rob

Lawyer's Son: Will

Doctor's son: Bill

Meteorologist's daughter: Haley

Steam shovel operator's son: Doug

Hair Stylist's son: Bob

Homeopathic doctor's son: Herb

Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary

Sound technician's son: Mike

Hot-dog vender's son: Frank

Gambler's daughter: Bette

Exercise guru's son: Jim

Cattle thief's son: Russell

Painter's son: Art

Iron worker's son: Rusty

TV show star's daughter: Emmy

Movie star's son: Oscar

One-Liners Worth Reading

I went to one of those new movies last week, it was so bloody it
was rated O positive!

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I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

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Sign in My office: I like your approach. Now let's see your
departure.

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Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards.

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No one ever stumbled onto anything worthwhile sitting down.

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Worry: The interest you pay on trouble before it comes.

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"Frogs have it easy; they can eat what bugs them."

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No one ever stumbled onto anything worthwhile sitting down.

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Never give the Devil a ride, He will always want to drive.

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A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

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"The Lord gave us two ends - one to sit on and the other to think
with... Success depends on which one you use the most...

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Heads you win, Tails you lose."

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The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"