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Author
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Topic: Golf
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-07-2005 08:20 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Gospel according to St Titleist.
May thy ball lie in green pastures -- and not in still waters. ~ Author Unknown
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham
Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~John Updike
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd
If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. ~Gardner Dickinson
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. ~Sam Snead
Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~William Wordsworth
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.~Dean Martin
If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. ~Tommy Bolt
Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one. ~Author Unknown
I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. ~Author Unknown
My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top. ~Pete Dye
I'm hitting the woods just great -- but having a terrible time getting out of them! ~Author Unknown
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~Jimmy DeMaret
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~Author Unknown
If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a fuckin' miracle. ~Author Unknown ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 11-18-2005 10:49 AM
Rated G
A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot.
There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 11-19-2005 07:16 AM
Rated PG
At dawn the telephone rings."Hello, Master Chuck? This is Arnaldo,the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo.What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling sir, to advise you that your parrot died"
"My parrot; dead? The one that won the competition?"
"Yes, Mr. Carlos. That's the one."
"Oh dear; that's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird.
Well...what did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who was so wicked as to give him bad meat?"
"Nobody, Mr. Carlos.He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horses? What dead horses,Arnaldo?"
"Why the pure bred ones you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord, man! What fire are you talking about?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught fire."
"What the.....!!! Amaldo, there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!"
"Your mother's, Mr. Carlos. She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief; so, I hit her with your Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
SILENCE...................."Arnaldo, so help me...... if you broke that damn driver you are fired!"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 12-08-2005 08:35 AM
Rated G
Christmas Golf
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and
one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority,figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later,that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home
planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new
car,reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring
at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.
I slapped Carol, my wife, on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for sex or golf '
... and she said, "Take a sweater..."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-03-2006 08:25 AM
Rated G Golf Tip
Visualizing is a Crucial part of your Iron Game.
You may have Heard it over and over again that you are too fast on your Back swing or Forcing your follow through, you are not alone, that was me until a friend told me how he dropped 8-10 strokes by a simple but effective drill he got from an Old pro he played golf with last summer.
Here is the simple drill that you must practice on the driving range with almost immediate results when done correctly.
1. While aligning yourself to the target, always make sure your left shoulder is pointing at a 10' radius around the flag, depending if you draw or fade, if you draw aim 10' right or if you fade aim 10' left of the flag.
2. When you take back your swing keep your Iron Blade as low as possible and straight back as if you are having the feeling of stretching for the ground as you take it back, this is a crucial part in your swing to give you a larger arc and it helps to keep your left arm straight. Keep both of your arms close to your body as if it feels like your hips are moving your arms.
3. This is the second most important part of your swing, after you make your back swing and it Naturally Stops, your next vision is to feel for the ground on the down swing, focus on trapping your ball and not how hard you hit it, we all want to hit it hard and we can after properly trapping it. You need to have the vision of approaching the ball from behind it as you rotate through the ball keeping your head down, you should notice your ball shooting straight out with more speed on it. You want to feel as if you are hitting the ball with your hips, by keeping low going back and focusing on hitting behind on the down swing it forces your body to automatically turn within the imaginary barrel.
That’s it, just by practicing this it will guarantee help your game, it helped my friend drop 11 strokes and I dropped 9 strokes the next day after learning it.It makes a lot of sense when you get secret tips from those who make Great Money doing it.
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