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Author
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Topic: Golf
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-20-2008 02:54 AM
RATED R
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million
dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive
the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.
The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up
there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."
They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the
door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A
man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.
"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that
bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes- I'll give you each one wish,
and I'll keep the last one for myself."
"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at
the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done." the genie replied.
"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand
years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses,
honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.
After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your
husband, anyway?"
"35." she replied.
"And he still believes in genies?....That's amazing."
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-20-2008 02:56 AM
RATED PG
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't
have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a
foot-long BIC lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie," he asked?
"Yes, he's right here in my golf bag."
"Could I see him?"
He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. The friend says, "I'm a
good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the
genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting
for his million bucks.
Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying
overhead is heard.
The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks, not
ducks!"
His friend answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing.
Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch BIC?"
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-20-2008 02:58 AM
RATED PG
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two
ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and
rough on the course. They didn't bother to wave the men on through,
which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll
walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He
walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned
around, and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One of those
women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you'd better
go talk to them."
The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just
as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He
smiled sheepishly and said, "Small world."
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-20-2008 03:00 AM
RATED PG
Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a
$100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously
much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.
And off they went.
Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed
to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members.
"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I
brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs and
grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18
holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-20-2008 03:03 AM
RATED R
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right
in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says, "How
bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiancee
is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let
it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little
4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive
work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl. They get married,
and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open
her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the
first time he saw them, believe it or not.
She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these
breasts yet."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in
the CRATE !"
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