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Author
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Topic: Golf
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-19-2008 02:26 AM
RATED PG
Mary hears the car drive up, then a clatter as it hits the garbage
cans. A car door slams, some cussing, then the garage door
opens, and slams shut. Suddenly more crashing, clattering and
cussing. Finally John comes into the house with his golf clubs,
almost continuously scowling and cussing.
"What's the matter, dear? Did you have as bad day on the golf
course?" asked Mary.
"A rotten day! A ROTTEN DAY! I'll say I did. What a miserable
round of golf! It was the worst ever! In fact, I only hit two
good balls all day! And the worst of that is, I wouldn't have hit
them either...if I hadn't stepped on that rake in the garage!"
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-19-2008 02:28 AM
A bad tempered golfer was advised by his psychiatrist to golf,
but without a ball. He was to imagine hitting every shot.
The golfer tried it, and it worked.
A few days later he met another golfer and they decided to play a
round. The bad-tempered golfer warned his new acquaintance of his
unusual style of game, but the acquaintance said everything was
all right because that was how he played too. After 17 holes, each
had made 17 straight birdies and the match was tied.
"I'm really going to let out some shaft on this drive," said the
bad-tempered golfer. And he did, hitting a 400-yard drive on the
par-five final hole.
"I'm really going to belt this one too," said the acquaintance.
And he also hit a 400-yard drive.
The bad-tempered golfer studied his second shot carefully and
planned to hit an eight iron with a slight hook. The ball would
bounce on the green twice, he said, and then dive into the hole,
which it did, for a double eagle.
"Beat that," he turned and said to his acquaintance.
"I already have," came the reply. "You hit the wrong ball."
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-19-2008 02:32 AM
A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short, par 3 hole
the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"
The young man replies, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest, well he doesn't fare so well. He tops his 7 iron and
dribbles the ball out only a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my
church when we pray, we keep our heads down."
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-19-2008 02:33 AM
Golf vs. Sex
You don't have to sneak your golf magazines into the house.
If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to
pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique.
The Ten Commandments don't say anything about golf.
If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you
don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet when
you become famous.
Your golf partner won't keep asking questions about other partners
you've golfed with.
It's perfectly normal to golf with a total stranger.
When you see a really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty
about imagining the two of you golfing together.
If your regular golf partner isn't available, he/she won't object
if you golf with someone else.
Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you golf by
yourself.
When dealing with a golf pro, you never have to wonder if they
are really an undercover cop.
You don't have to go to a sleazy golf shop in a seedy neighborhood
to buy golf stuff.
You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf
jokes, and invite co-workers to golf with you without getting sued
for harassment.
There is no such thing as a golf transmitted disease.
If you want to watch golf on television, you don't have to
subscribe to a premium cable channel.
Nobody expects you to promise to golf with just one partner for
the rest of your life.
Nobody expects you to give up golfing if your partner loses
interest in the game.
You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for
the enjoyment of golf.
Your golf partner will never say, "What? We just golfed last
week! Is that all you ever think about?"
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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays
Posts: 5246
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999
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posted 01-19-2008 02:33 AM
A distinguished clergyman and a friend were playing golf. It was
a very close match, and at the last hole the clergyman teed up,
addressed the ball, and swung his driver with great force. The
ball, instead of sailing down the fairway, merely rolled off the
tee and settled slowly some twelve feet away.
The clergyman frowned, glared, and bit his lip, grimaced, wrinkled
his brow, puffed up his cheeks, and blew out a mighty gust of air,
but said nothing. Absolutely nothing.
His opponent regarded him for a moment, then remarked "Father Bob,
that was the most profane silence I have ever witnessed."
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