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Author Topic: Police - Law Enforcement Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-02-2004 12:37 PM                        Rated G Real 911 Calls, "BELIEVE" it or not!! Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why? ~~~~~~~~ Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich. Dispatcher: Excuse me? Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it. ~~~~~~~~ Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: Hi, is this the police? Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance? Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2004 02:48 PM                        Rated G Pete At 7:15 one morning, I responded to a break-and-enter call at a local thrift shop. An employee had reported that when she went into the back room, a male voice had said "peekaboo!" When I arrived, she was still on the phone with our dispatcher, looking apprehensive. I checked the entire store before a second police officer arrived. Together, we searched again, even more thoroughly. Nothing. Baffled, I went back to the storeroom. This time, instead of using my flashlight, I turned on the light. "Peekaboo!" said a male voice, and I spotted the culprit: a toy Big Bird programmed to say "peekaboo!" when the light was turned on.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-22-2004 12:06 PM                        Rated G I am a deputy sheriff assigned to courthouse security. As part of my job, I explain court procedures to visitors. One day I was showing a group of ninth-graders around. Court was in recess and only the clerk and a young man in custody wearing handcuffs were in the courtroom. "This is where the judge sits," I began, pointing to the bench. "The lawyers sit at these tables. The court clerk sits over there. The court recorder, or stenographer, sits over here. Near the judge is the witness stand and over there is where the jury sits. "As you can see," I finished, "there are a lot of people involved in making this system work." At that point, the prisoner raised his cuffed hands and said, "Yeah, but I'm the one who makes it all happen."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-31-2004 05:53 PM                        Rated PG Michele Los Angeles Police Department Report Phrases & What They Really Mean... While on routine patrol... I was in the car because the donut shop was closed. The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner... He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN--DON'T FEED THE PIGS" The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control... It was raining. This officer went out-of-service to obtain intelligence information from a street informant... It was too hot to ride in the car. I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner... The dirt- bag let go with an 'Oink' as I drove by. The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies... I sent them to a non-existent address which I called the 'Command Post'. I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding... She was a good-looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over. Further interview of the witnesses was impossible, due to conditions. Tonight is my bowling night... Using only enough force to restrain the subject... It was a repeat of the "Rodney King Incident" only this time there were no cameras present.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2005 01:59 PM                        Rated G Michele Your Honor," she told the judge, "I want a divorce. My husband has been cheating on me. "That is a serious accusation," the judge said. "Do you have any evidence to substantiate this claim of your husband's infidelity?" "Yes, Your Honor. Just last night I was walking down Broadway when I saw him go into a movie with another woman." "Who was this other woman?" the judge asked. "I don't know. I never saw her before." "Then why didn't you follow them into the theatre and find out who she was. It may have been just a harmless coincidence. You should have gone in after them." "I would have," she explained, "but the fellow I was with had already seen the picture."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2005 11:42 AM                        Rated G A frightened man dialed 911 to report an assault. "I was coming in the back door," said the man to the dispatcher, "when I was struck on the head from behind. Luckily, I was able to get into the house and lock the door. Please send help right away!" After advisng him to stay calm, the dispatcher sent a rookie cop to investigate. A half hour later the rookie returns to the station and is sporting a large bump on his head. "Well, that was fast work," remarked the police chief. "How did you do it?" "It was easy, chief," replied the rookie, rubbing his sore head... "I stepped on the rake, too."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-15-2005 02:08 PM                        Rated PG Two guy's were walking along the road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop. One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-24-2005 01:05 PM                        Rated G Uncle Bubba "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-11-2005 01:53 PM                        Rated G German police are warning that pickpockets are stooping to new lows by robbing people while they are on the toilet. In the latest case the thief struck as a man was using a public restroom in a shopping mall. The thief, in this case believed to be a woman, slipped her hand under the wall of the cubicle and removed the wallet from the man's trousers, which were around his ankles. The man, who lost about $50 in the robbery, said he was unable to race after the pickpocket immediately "given the situation" and the fact his trousers were around his ankles.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-14-2005 09:47 AM                        Rated G Eric One night while on police patrol, I stopped an old car: The muffler was defective, one headlight was out and the rear licence- plate light was not working. With ticket book in hand, ready to write up the violations, I advised the man why he had been stopped. He immediately jumped out, ran around to the front and looked at he headlights; then got down on all fours and looked under the car; then ran around to the rear and checked the licence-plate light. Finally he jumped back in his car, thanked me--and drove off.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-16-2005 11:06 AM                        Rated G At the scene of a bank heist, the police sergeant came running up to his inspector and said, "He got away sir!" The inspector roared, "But I told you to put a man at each exit! How could he have gotten away?" The sergeant replied, "He left by one of the entrances, sir!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2005 09:27 PM                        Rated G Stop the drunk driver A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?" The driver said, "You buyin'?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-26-2005 11:51 AM                        Rated G On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at a reasonable speed, but the flashing blue lights in my rearview mirror made me realize that I'd been over the limit. I handed the officer my license and made small talk while my wife dug through the glove compartment for the registration. "I'm usually very careful about my speed," I told him as my wife handed me the paperwork. The officer studied it and then gave it back. "Sir," he said gruffly, "this is not your registration." It was a warning ticket I had received for speeding in South Carolina.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-29-2005 01:30 PM                        Rated G A police officer came by my office to inquire if an older woman might have been driving my car which he saw parked outside. I said that my mother had recently driven it. The officer informed that he thought mine was the car he pulled over for speeding. He said that as he prepared to write the ticket, the lady asked him if he would "pinch his mother". He answered that he would do so if she was speeding. With that my mother extended her arm, asked him to pinch it, and implored him not to give her a ticket. It worked, he said.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-26-2005 07:40 AM                        Rated G Police in San Diego are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a woman out walking her dog. The woman told police that she was out walking her dog, Pewee, on Friday night when a man in his 20s ran up behind her and grabbed the bag she was holding. When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust and ran to a waiting car and fled the scene, police said.  |  IP: Logged

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