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Author Topic: Police - Law Enforcement Scott Norwood Film God Posts: 8146 From: Boston, MA. USA (1774.21 miles northeast of Dallas) Registered: Jun 99 posted 07-08-2003 02:22 PM                        Rated G Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 04:20:35 -0400 (EDT) From: danny burstein <dannyb@panix.com> Subject: Watch out for auto-dialing on cellphones RISKS has previously pointed out the awkwardness that can result from inadvertently tapping an auto-dial button on a cellphone. We now have a burgler who will now have quite a bit of spare time to study RISKS. Per the *NY Post* article, excerpts attached: "It seems Boylan accidentally hit the redial button on his cell phone during a burglary - providing the break-in victim with a voice-mail recording of the crime in progress, said Detective Lt. Steve Skrynecki. "Before the 3:20 a.m. burglary on Sunday, Boylan had called the victim's girlfriend on her cell and spoke to the victim, the detective said. "Somehow, Boylan "inadvertently hit the redial on his cell phone" while he and his buddy ransacked the house and chatted as they grabbed a video-game player, game cartridges, a remote-controlled car and an antique bayonet, Skrynecki said. "They had no idea their crime-scene commentary was being recorded on the girlfriend's voice mail, Skrynecki said. http://nypost.com/news/regionalnews/2178.htm  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-24-2003 12:20 PM                        Rated G Michele A state trooper stopped Jill for going 15 miles over the speed limit. After he handed her a ticket, Jill asked, "Don't you give out warnings?" "Yes, Ma'am," he replied. They're all up and down the road. They say, 'Speed limit 65.'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-28-2003 07:36 AM                        Rated G Michele A sign on Washington's Route 8, featuring an illustration of a police car with lights flashing, reads, "If you drink and drive, we'll provide the chasers."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-31-2003 07:26 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee The traffic cop stopped the woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver's license in silence for a moment he said, "You know something, this is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I've ever seen. I'm glad to see you aren't one of those vain women who have their photos retouched to remove all the lines in their face," "Sir," she replied icily, "you are looking at my thumb-print."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-20-2003 02:56 PM                        Rated X An Hispanic in Phoenix has his car stolen. He doesn't report it for 7 days. When he finally goes to the police station to report, the officer in charge says that since the loss occured over 7 days ago the vehicle is probably over the border and stripped for parts. The Hispanic was heard to mutter as he left the station . . . . . ." Damn Fucking Canadians".  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-26-2003 07:38 AM                        Rated G Michele One night,a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye.She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate.The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.An officer was sent to her house to investigate,and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-02-2003 11:31 AM                        Rated PG A woman pulls up to a red light behind one other car. She notices the driver of the car in front of her is talking on his cell phone and appears to be shuffling through some papers on the seat beside him. The light turns green, but the man doesn't notice. The woman waits, but the man still doesn't notice the light change. The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move. The man doesn't move.      The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving atthe man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash. The light turns yellow. The woman begins to blow the car horn and scream curses at the man.      The man hearing the commotion, looks up, sees the yellow light and accelerates through the intersection just as the light turns red.      The woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection.      As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very serious looking policeman. The policeman tells her to shut off her car while keeping both hands in sight.      She complies, speechless at what is happening.      After she shuts off the engine the policeman orders her to exit her car with her hands up. She gets out of the car and he orders her to turn and place her hands on her car. She turns, places her hands on the car roof and quickly is cuffed and hustled into the patrol car. She is too bewildered by the chain of events to ask any questions.     She is driven to the police station where she is fingerprinted,photographed, searched, booked and placed in a cell.      After a couple of hours a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door for her.She is escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer is waiting with her personal effects.     He hands her the bag containing her things, and says, "I'm really sorry for this mistake. But you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn and cussing a blue streak at the car in front of you. Then I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. So naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-04-2003 08:01 AM                        Rated G Lainey First Convict: I heard the Warden's daughter up and married a guy down on Cellblock D. The Warden's mighty upset about it too. Second Convict: Why? Because she married a con? First Convict: No. Because they eloped!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-12-2003 10:18 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Two highway patrolmen stop a driver for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas.As they are writing up the ticket, one trooper turns to the other and asks,"How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replies, "I don't know." "What are we going to do?" the first one asks."If we spell it wrong, the judge will dismiss the charge." "Well," says his partner,"why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-15-2003 01:38 PM                        Rated PG Michele To puritanical Americans, the mere hint of sex might seem like an emergency.Folks have called 911 to complain that their neighbor's bed is "squeaking too damn loud."And another caller complained,"There is a snow sculpture outside my apartment [with] gross exaggeration of certain male parts we all find obscene." Other Americans encounter 911 with their pants down and their dignity flapping in the breeze. One unfortunate fellow got stuck in the swimming pool while seeking sexual pleasure from the vacuum intake line. That suction turned out to be a little too strong. A security guard called 911 laughing hysterically, telling the dispatcher: "He's got his privates stuck in the pump line! He's been in there for three hours... it's got to be shriveled up like hell." The dispatcher says: "You're the night clerk. You can't keep laughing." The rescue was called "Free Willy."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-17-2003 02:21 PM                        Rated G Michele One should remember that calling 911 is sometimes a public service,done for the benefit of others.One elderly male caller reported,"There's a woman over here doing some yard work in one of thong bikinis." "Sir," said an exasperated dispatcher,"911 is an emergency number.What do you expect the police to do about a woman in a thong bikini?" "Nothing," the guy said,"Just thought you fellows would like to know."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-23-2003 08:40 AM                        Rated G KNJ Returning home from a movie, two friends and I were stopped by a police officer. As my friend Jeff handed his licence and registration over, he asked if he had been speeding. "You were doing just under 70 in a 60 zone, but I'm not going to give you a ticket," the officer said. We were puzzled when he asked Jeff to open the trunk, and more puzzled when he asked Jeff to go around to the back of the car with him."I've got a burnt out taillight,"the officer stated. "Oh, no! Not again!" Jeff exclaimed. "I just replaced one a few weeks ago." "No, no," the officer corrected. "I've got a burnt out taillight on a car exactly the same as this, and I was wondering if you'd show me how to change it." From the Reader's Digest  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-21-2003 01:23 AM                        Rated PG Michele A guy was stopped by a policeman for speeding, and does a lot of pleading, trying to get out of the ticket. The policeman says "Okay, I'll ask you a question. If you answer correctly, I'll forget about the ticket!" "Agreed!" answers the speeder. "You're driving at night, and two lights appear in front of you. What is it?" "That's easy! It's a car!" "Sure! But, what kind of car? Is it a Ford? Is it a Chevy? Is it a Saab, what?" says the policeman, and begins to write the ticket. "Wait! Give me another chance!" begs the guy. "Okay, but this is your last chance! You fail to answer - you get the ticket!" "Fair enough." "You're driving at night, and a light appears in front of you. What is it?" "That's easy! It's a motorcycle!" "Sure! But, what kind of bike? Is it a Honda? A Suzuki? A Harley?" "How the hell should I know!" answered the guy, exasperatedly. "Sorry, you're getting the ticket!" responded the officer. "Yeah, well okay. But let me ask you a question too then." "Go ahead." "You see a bare breasted woman standing at the curve, bargaining with clients, what is it?" asks the guy. "Oh, that's easy!" replies the officer. "It's a hooker!" "Sure! But, what kind of hooker? Is it your mother? Is it your sister? Or is it your daughter?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-22-2003 03:37 PM                        Rated G Michele Our new office computer system was down as much as it was working.My co-worker Cathy decided to stay late one evening to catch up on the work that had accumulated. On her way home,a police officer stopped her for speeding. "What a perfect end to an awful day!"she exclaimed."Our computer is up,then down -- up, then down.I stay late to catch up,and now this!" The officer was unaffected by Cathy's griping, and he went to his car to prepare a citation.After what seemed an eternity, he returned with her license and registration.As he handed them to her,he smiled and said,"Our computer is down."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2003 02:56 PM                        Rated G Michele As team leader of the Police Tactics and Rescue Unit, I directed officers late one night to strategic positions around a building where a dangerous suspect was hiding. Believing the culprit to be on the roof, I decided to have an officer shine his flash-light in that direction on my command. At just the right moment, I whispered to him, "Okay, throw a light on the roof." The officer hurled his flashlight to the top of the building.  |  IP: Logged

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