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Author
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Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Two
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-25-2003 09:17 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Goat Yogurt Blamed In Bizarre Bar Fights
TORONTO, CA (AheadOfNews.com) - Consumption of yogurt has risen in Canada over the past decade, from 9 percent of people reporting weekly yogurt purchases in 1991 to 22 percent in 2001. In the past few years, a mixed drink known as a White Canadian, made with vodka, coffee liqueur, and yogurt, has become popular in night spots around Toronto. Jimmy's Bar in North Toronto began serving White Canadians made with goat yogurt about a month ago, touting the 'White Goat' as an even healthier alternative.
According to Gerard Perrault, manager of Jimmy's Bar, the 'White Goat' was an instant success, but later led to problems that caused the bar to stop selling them.
"The first time it happened," says Perrault, "I thought it was just some sort of a joke. Two of my regulars, Roy and Foury, they got this really funny glazed look in their eyes, and started sniffing and shuffling their feet, and just glaring at each other like anything. And then 'WHAM!' they just ran at each other and hit their heads together, and plumb knocked themselves out. We had to call for an ambulance and all."
But that wasn't the end of it, according to Perrault. "Two, sometimes three times a night, we'd get guys bashing their heads together, or trying to. One guy ran headfirst into the mirror, and got himself all cut up. Anyway, there's just something about vodka and goat yogurt that makes some men go bezonkers, I guess. We had to stop selling the White Goat, even though people were still asking for them." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-25-2003 09:49 AM
Rated G Lorraine
MUSIC REVIEW:
The recital in the Chamber Music Room of the Erawan Hotel by US pianist Myron Kropp can only be described by this reviewer as one of the most interesting experiences in a long time.
Mr. Kropp had chosen the title "An Evening with Bach"; the evening opened with the Toccata and Fugue in D minor. As I have mentioned on several other occasions, the Baldwin concert grand needs constant attention; in this humidity the felts tend to swell, causing the occasional key to stick, which apparently was the case last evening with the D in the second octave.
Some who attended the performance later questioned whether the awkward key justified some of the language which was heard coming from the stage during softer passages of the Fugue.
However, one member of the audience, who had sent his children out of the room by the midway point, commented that the workman who greased the stool might have done better to use some of the grease on the second octave D key. Indeed, Mr. Kropp's stool had more than enough grease, and during one passage in which the music was particularly violent he turned completely around.
Whereas before his remarks had been largely aimed at the piano and were therefore somewhat muted, to his surprise and that of those in the Chamber Music Room he found himself addressing himself directly to the audience. By the time the audience had regained its composure, Mr. Kropp appeared to be somewhat shaken. Nevertheless he swivelled himself back into position and, leaving the D major Fuge unfinished, commenced on the Fantasia and Fugue in G minor.
Why the G key in the third octave chose that particular time to begin sticking I hesitate to guess. However Mr Kropp himself did nothing to help matters when he began using his feet to kick the lower portion of the piano instead of operate the pedals.
Possibly it was this jarring, or the un-Bach-like hammerring to which the keyboard was being subjected: something caused the right front leg of the piano to buckle slightly forward, leaving the entire instrument listing at approximately a 5 degree angle.
A gasp went up from the audience, for if the piano had actually fallen several of Mr. Kropp's toes, if not both his feet, would surely have been broken. It was with a sigh of relief, therefore, that the audience saw Mr. Kropp slowly rise from his stool and leave the stage.
A few men in the back of the room began clapping, and when Mr. Kropp reappeared a moment later it seemed he was responding to the ovation.
Apparently, however, he had left to get the red-handled fire axe which was hung backstage in case of fire, for when he returned that was what he had in his hand. My first reaction at seeing Mr. Kropp begin to chop at the left leg of the grand piano was that he was attempting to make it list at the same angle as the right leg. However, when the weakened legs finally collapsed altogether with a great crash and Mr. Kropp continued to chop, it became obvious to all that he had no intention of going on with the concert.
The ushers, who had heard the snapping of piano wires and splintering of sounding board from the dining room, came rushing in and, with the help of the hotel manager, two watchmen and a passing police corporal, finally succeeded in disarming Mr. Kropp and dragging him off the stage.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-26-2003 03:23 PM
Rated G
Travelers Report More 'Beast' Encounters on Amtrak
SACRAMENTO, CA (AheadOfNews.com) - Score another point for the beasts.AheadOfNews.com reported last month on a group ofanimals,
led by a baboon, who took over an Amtrak restaurant (bistro) car near Centralia, Wash. The incident was considered unusual by local law enforcement officials interviewed for the story.
Today, however, Polly Wakefield of Sacramento reported that she has often encountered "beasts" on the train.
"Oh, yes," she said. "When you go to the Coast Starlight lounge for a glass of cabernet sauvignon, you'll often see lounge lizards. They have big red eyes with bags under them. They like to slouch in corners and ogle from a distance."
Teri Higgenbotham, of Helena, Mont., agreed but said she didn't mind. "When you ride between Seattle and Chicago on the Empire Builder, lounge lizards come with the territory," she said. "On the other hand, if you like to meet chicks or studs in the lounge, you might not mind an occasional lizard."
Conductor Jack Mendel explained that "all sorts of critters" rode the Amtrak and that it was possible to meet almost anyone there that you might meet on the street.
"We get a jackass or a skunk from time to time," he said, "or a dove and a hawk having an argument, but mainly we see nice papa and mama bears, cute kids, love birds, cool cats, or birds of a feather traveling to some conference or other. It's a lot of fun. It's a regular zoo."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-27-2003 07:51 AM
Rated G Baby Blues
HERE IN THE U.S. of A...
In the US, it takes more brainpower to fill out the income tax
forms than it does to earn the income in the first place.
So if the world is truly getting "smaller", how come the
US Postal rates keep going up ?
All politicians claim they know what it was like to be poor.
OK, fine, but why do they insist on the rest of us learning too.
In the US, there are several ways to become rich: inherit a lot
of money, invent/develop, win the lottery or sue somebody.
Hospitals still have private and semi-private accommodations.
If you have an HMO though, semi-private means two to a bed.
Strange how people who don't even know their neighbors, are
extremely curious to know if there's extra-terrestrial life.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-27-2003 09:39 AM
Rated G
Oregon Legislature Plans to Torment Teachers
SALEM, OR (AheadOfNews.com) - Voting mostly along party lines, the Oregon Legislature today passed a resolution aimed at reforming the state's system of public education by tormenting the teachers.
The Trash the Teachers Resolution of 2003 is meant to
"discourage overpaid liberal teachers from working in Oregon," according to Rep. Jack Snuff (R-Halsey).
Snuff and conservative legislators such as Elaine Blank (R-Molalla), Vernon Smoke (R-Albany) and Fred Stayne (R-Burns), blame unionized teachers for encouraging "a tolerant and egalitarian society that values independent thought."
"This constitutes an outrageous misuse of public funds," Snuff said.
To "rid Oregon of secular teachers who have joined labor unions," Snuff, et al. propose the following rules:
1. Teachers will each day empty the wastebaskets, scrub the toilets, and mop the floors.
2. Men teachers may take one evening a week for dating purposes or two evenings a week if they go to church regularly and promise never to read Darwin or Marx.
3. After 10 hours in school, teachers may spend the remaining time reading the Bible or biographies of Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan.
4. Women teachers who flirt, drink beer, or refuse to bake cookies for school fund-raisers will be dismissed.
5. Teachers must lay aside from each pay check a goodly sum for the cleaning of their uniforms.
6. Teachers who use their fringe benefits will be accused of stealing.
7. Teachers who perform their labors faithfully and without fault for five years may be given an increase of $25 a week in pay, providing the Legislature approves.
"Like it or lump it, pinko teachers," Snuff said. "Better yet, move to France."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-27-2003 10:37 PM
Rated PG ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
The U.S. warned Iran today that it is in danger of being dropped
from the three-nation "Axis of Evil" after a lackluster 2002 in
which the purportedly evil country was largely missing in action.
"When it comes to remaining in the A.O.E.,Iran is just hanging
by a thread," one State Department source said today.
While North Korea and Iraq were both front and center in 2002
with their headline-grabbing evildoing,Iran for the most part
stayed on the sidelines,jeopardizing its evil status,the source said.
Remaining in the Axis of Evil is a high priority for Iran, since
membership in the A.O.E. results in billions of dollars of free
publicity and news coverage every year.
Partly for this reason, the head of Iran.s Ministry of Evil in
Tehran today disputed the State Department.s assessment of its
less-than-evil performance, arguing that his nation had done many evil things in 2002.
Evil Minister Farid Mesghali said that Iran.s links to terrorist
groups, as well as its firing up of its nuclear facility in
southern Bushehr, had gone largely unnoticed and were
overshadowed by such stories as the Trent Lott controversy and
the Winona Ryder shoplifting trial.
"We were really, really evil last year," Mr. Mesghali said. "We
just need to do a better job of getting the word out."
But time may be running out for Iran, who faces expulsion from
the A.O.E. if they do not "strut their stuff, evil-wise, pretty
darn soon," the State Department source said.
"Without evil, Iran.s got no juice at all," the source said.
They might as well be Belgium."
[ 02-28-2003, 05:51 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-28-2003 05:53 AM
Rated R
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?"
The deaf man replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "Now ask him where the money is!"
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf man replies, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park."
The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."
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