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Author
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Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Two
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Daryl C. W. O'Shea
Film God
Posts: 3977
From: Midland Ontario Canada (where Panavision & IMAX lenses come from)
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted 03-10-2003 12:37 PM
Rated PG ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.
One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your best friend?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out his best friend was banging his wife. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-10-2003 04:28 PM
Rated G ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Four linguists were sharing a compartment on a train on their way to an international conference on sound symbolism. One was
English, one Spanish, one French and the fourth German. They got
into a discussion on whose language was the most eloquent and
euphonious.
The English linguist said: "Why, English is the most eloquent
language. Take for instance the word"butterfly". Butterfly,
butterfly... doesn't that word so beautifully express the way this delicate insect flies. It's like flutter-by, flutter-by."
"Oh, no!" said the Spanish linguist, "the word for "butterfly" in Spanish is"maripose". Now, this word expresses so beautifully the vibrant colours on the butterfly's wings. What could be a more apt name for such a brilliant creature? Spanish is the most eloquent
language!"
"Papillon!" says the French linguist, "papillon! This word
expresses the fragility of the butterfly's wings and body. This is the most fitting name for such a delicate and ethereal insect. French is the most eloquent language!"
At this the German linguist stands up, and demands: "Und vot is
rongk mit 'SCHMETTERLING'?"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-11-2003 07:31 AM
Rated G
Nevada Named National Toilet
WASHINGTON (AheadOfNews.com) - The U.S. Senate today approved a Department of Energy recommendation that Nevada become the national sludge pit.
Building on its successful campaign to dump nuclear waste at Yucca Mountain, the DOE had been urging Congress to regard the The Silver State as a combination cesspool and trash bin. Today's vote was the last hurdle to clear before a huge pipe from Los Angeles to the Nevada border can start pouring sewage onto the sand. The U.S. House and President George W. Bush signed off on the plan late last year.
In expressing his approval of the Nevada site, Bush said, "A convenient dumping ground is important for our national security. Nevada is the best place because nobody lives there."
Spencer Abraham, director of the DOE, agreed. "I reached the conclusion technically and scientifically that Nevada is a fully suitable place to throw things that nobody wants. This is especially true of truck tires, old refrigerators, turnip tops, and dead cats."
The Nevada Commission on Tourism had argued against the plan to no avail. In a letter to the Senate, it claimed that radiation, toxic vapors, sewer flies, and decomposing garbage might drive tourists from Las Vegas and Reno.
The Not in My Back Yard Committee of the Senate rejected this argument, noting that ruining Nevada would result in "no net loss" of tourism to the United States.
"People who wish to avoid Nevada can visit any of the 49 clean states instead," they said.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-11-2003 07:35 AM
Rated G
Bill Gates Gets Pink Slip
SEATTLE, WA (AheadOfNews.com) - For a moment, it appeared that Bill Gates had lost his job.
Gates, chairman of the Microsoft Corporation, was among 10,000 of the software giant's employees who on Wednesday received a surprise layoff notice. It said:
Dear Mr. Gates:
I am sure you are aware of the poor economic conditions existing in the country today. Because of these conditions, we have had to eliminate certain positions. Sadly, yours is among them.
We hope that as conditions improve we will be able to consider you for another position. We wish you every success in finding a new job, and we extend our thanks for the good work you have done for us.
Sincerely,
Annie Byte, Director of Human Resources
As a red-faced Byte later explained, it was all a mistake. "Our computers went nuts and sent out all these layoff letters," she said. "We had no idea what they were doing.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-11-2003 01:36 PM
Rated G
Justice Department Investigates 'Religious Discrimination'
CAMBRIDGE, MA (AheadOfNews.com) - Prodded by a group of anti-gravitationist lawyers, John Ashcroft's Department of Justice today launched an investigation of James Boyle Kelvin, professor of physics at Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
The Evangelical Lawyers Institute filed a complaint charging Kelvin with discrimination on the basis of religion because he continues to discuss gravity in a physics class attended by a student who does not believe in gravity.
"Gravity is merely a theory," said Walter Varnish, the student. "No one has ever seen it, so you can't prove that it's really there."
Dwight Menace, a lawyer with the Institute, agreed.
"No teacher has a right to make students consider ideas that are contrary to the students' religious beliefs. These ideas might include anything, such as atoms, gravity, mass, temperature, and the speed of light."
Anti-gravitationists believe that God controls the movement of all things, causing apples to fall to Earth from trees and preventing the moon from falling. To attempt to explain these events in any other way attacks their religion, they say.
"I told him I wanted a physics degree on the basis of my religious beliefs," Varnish said, "and he laughed. That was unconstitutional, and we are going to kick his butt."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-11-2003 03:48 PM
Rated G
Wife, Friends, Dog Flee 'Mummified' House
GAS, WY (AheadOfNews.com) - No one visits Johnny Shank.
Shank, 47, lives in a small frame house on a treeless acre of ground in the outback of north-central Wyoming. His wife, Rosebud, left him about a week ago. Even his dog, Winston-Salem, crept away in the night and has not since been seen. The unemployed ranch hand's problems began earlier this month when he sealed his house with duct tape.
"I started with the windows," he said, "and then I done the chimney and the foundation cracks and all them funny little holes they drill to get the phone lines and such into your house. I put a real good layer of tape around the outside and another around the inside. I have to re-seal the front door every time I use it."
Shank, who lives largely on canned beans, believes the duct tape will protect him from terrorist germs and gas attacks. Rosebud does not agree.
"It ain't the gas outside the house that bothers me," she said.
Shank's nearest neighbor, William Mica, agrees with Rosebud.
"I don't know how to put this nicely," Mica said. "Since Johnny mummified his house, you don't want to go in there. The air might not be poisonous, but it's not something you'd really like to breathe."
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