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Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Two
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-20-2003 12:33 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Brownian Motion Not Random After All
ITHACA, NY (AheadOfNews.com) - researchers at the Cornell University Nanobiotechnology Research Lab have uncovered startling new evidence that the phenomena known as Brownian Motion may not be random after all.
Brownian Motion is named for Robert Brown, a botanist who in 1827 noticed the random motion of pollen suspended in water. This was later explained by Einstein and Maxwell, who suggested that the motion is due to unequal collisions with molecules on different sides of the suspended particles.
Einstein received the Nobel prize for his mathematical theory of Brownian Motion, not, as is often reported, for discovering a really good way to blow things up.
Cornell professor Leon Winzigkopf and his team now say that the motion is not truly random, as was originally thought. "Actually, it appears that they're dancing," he says.
While at first they thought the particles were doing the Mambo, it turns out that only about a quarter of the particles do so, while the rest do the Rhumba, Cha-Cha, or (rarely) the Macarena.
Winzigkopf says that the phenomenon, to be renamed "James Brownian Motion", is most likely due to something called "fractal subduplication", in which the motion of large objects is mirrored in smaller ones.
"Why do people dance?" asks Winzigkopf? "Simply put, it's because the Universe itself is dancing." This fits nicely with the "Big Band" theory of the origin of the Universe. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-20-2003 12:45 PM
Rated G Sue Bee
A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long, long line for judgment.As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the Gates of Heaven;others,though,were led over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of fire.
Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire,
Satan would toss him (or her) to one side.After watching Satan do this several times,the fellow's curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, there,Prince of Darkness," he said."I'm waiting in
line for judgment,but I couldn't help wondering why you are
tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"
"Ah",Satan said with a grin."They are people from Seattle;
they're still too wet to burn!"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-22-2003 10:20 AM
Rated G
New Forms of Spam Threaten Computer Printers
BATON ROUGE, LA (AheadOfNews.com) - Spam haters beware!
A technological breakthrough in the twilight world of unsolicited commercial e-mail (UCE) threatens Internet users worldwide with new forms of bogus information.
Commonly known as "spam," UCE tends to cause Internet "traffic jams" and to fill personal mailboxes with "junk mail." The use of the term "spam" for UCE originated with a Monty Python skit in which a group of Vikings sang "SPAM, SPAM, SPAM" to drown out other conversation. The SPAM in the skit referred to canned luncheon meat marketed by Hormel Foods, whereas lowercase "spam" refers to UCE.
Until recently, UCE mailings consisted of digital files that printed as text files or images on home and office printers. The latest technique, however, converts sheets of printer paper into thin sheets of SPAM.
"I couldn't believe it," said Alice Conklin of Baton Rouge. "I got an unsolicited e-mail saying I had won a prize. Then my printer began grinding, and out rolled this 8 ½ by 11 inch sheet of pink stuff. It looked like SPAM, but it tasted like sawdust. I was not amused."
Hundreds of Internet users have reported receiving similar spams in the past few days. Experts believe they were part of a small "beta test" and that much larger mailings may follow.
"We think this new form of spam will spread rapidly and cause an untold number of printer jams," said Barney Ogleby, of the Louisiana Bureau of Anti-Spam. "We also have concerns about self-printing popover ads that may damage printers with egg batter and flour."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-23-2003 02:38 PM
Rated G
Death Touted as Solution to Nation's Health Care Woes
ST LOUIS, MO (AheadOfNews.com) -Faced with shrinking budgets and mounting health care costs,like-minded state legislators from across the nation today announced their preferred solution, death.
"People who choose to be sick drag down the economy," said Osgood Flint,spokesman for Fellowship of the Mean and Stingy, a coalition that meets twice a year in St. Louis to discuss public health care issues."They use more than their fair share of doctors,drugs,and hospitals,and cause insurance rates to rise. We must encourage them to go away."
Proposing severe restrictions on admission to hospital emergency rooms and an end to government programs such as Medicare and Medicaid,the Fellowship hopes to convince people with serious health problems and little money to "drop dead as quickly as possible."
"If 20 percent of the people who need help simply crawl under an Interstate bridge and croak,our state budgets will balance. We'll be able to cut taxes even more, and everything will be peachy," Flint said.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-24-2003 05:45 PM
Rated R
Sex Store Owner Teases Protestors
DES MOINES, IA (AheadOfNews.com) - Angry protestors marched back and forth today in front of a Des Moines "sex store," convinced that its owner is selling used condoms.
"It's bad enough when these sleezy places sell brand-new condoms," said John Greenleaf, one of the protestors at The Pleasure Palace, "but selling used ones is reprehensible beyond belief."
The group maintains that businessman Curtis Oblong, 53, is a danger to public health. Oblong insists that he is doing nothing wrong.
"I wash each condom carefully for 30 minutes in a specially formulated solution of borax, bleach, and oven cleaner," he told Greenleaf with a little smile. "When I'm done, they are just like brand new."
Despite this comment, health officials who visited The Pleasure Palace recently discovered no basis for complaint. They reported finding "mint-flavored condoms, condoms that glowed in the dark, and condoms that sang 'Good Night, Irene,' but none that had been removed from its original wrapping."
"Curtis loves to annoy Puritans," said Orley Simcox, who runs a nearby adult video store. "I kind of feel sorry for them."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-25-2003 12:37 PM
Rated G
Air Force Test Obliterates Florida, Scares Georgia
VALDOSTA, GA (AheadOfNews.com) - Shock and awe dominated reports coming today from southern Georgia as nearby Florida disappeared in flame.
The catastrophic blast stemmed from a test by the Air Force of its latest oversized conventional bomb, a 21-trillion pound device called the Grossly Massive Ordinance Air Blast (GMOAB), or in street terms, Grandmother of All Bombs.
Defense officials ordered the powerful explosion as part of its Rapid Dominance package of military options including the Blitzkrieg and the Sudden Squashing. The idea is to defeat enemy armies quickly, to terrorize potential opponents, and to induce sustained displays of international groveling, according to a Pentagon spokesman who asked not to be identified. He termed the explosion "a completely intimidating success."
Congressional Democrats expressed muted outrage at the disappearance of Florida.
The Pentagon is thought to be working on an even bigger bomb, GGMOAB, to be tested in Texas later this month.
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