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Author
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Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Two
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-27-2003 06:58 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Twisted Words
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.The bozone layer, unfortunately,shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
7. Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease.(This one got extra
credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n.):It's,Like,when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes,right? And then,like,the Earth explodes and it's,like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (n.): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 10-27-2003 01:07 PM
Rated G Sue Bee
ValueSpeak.....Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?
Copyright 2003, by Joseph Walker
In honor of the end of Daylight Savings Time 2003 I am conducting a little experiment.
As I sit to write,the clock on my computer indicates that it is
9:08 p.m. -- the same time that is on my wristwatch.However,our
microwave tells me that it is 9:15,the VCR says it is 9:09,the
clock in the living room reads 9:10, the clock on the stove says
it is 9:12 and Anita's alarm clock says it is 9:17 -- which explains why she always has to wait around for the rest of us.
The nine-minute differential is about what I expected.For years I thought I was Timex-challenged.But then I realized that every
clock in the house -- and there are at least a dozen of them, not counting the clocks in the cars --is set to a different time.
"Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?" isn't just a great
song by Chicago.It's the story of our lives.
And so, come to think of it,is Chicago’s follow-up question:
"Does anybody really care?"
Of course, some people do. Keeping accurate track of the time is
an obsession with some folks (by the way,just in case you were
curious, a quick visit to Greenwichmeantime.com reveals that it
is,officially and accurately, 03:08:40 -- which means that it is
9:08 here,which means that the computer and my watch are precisely correct -- if anybody really cares).
It is Anita's obsession with being on time that prompts her to set her alarm clock fast.
"You know that I don't like to be late," she tells me whenever I
point out the discrepancy between Anita Time and Real Time.
"Yeah, but you KNOW that you've set your clock ahead," I point
out. "I mean, it's not like you're gonna trick yourself. So what
good does it really do?"
She shrugs and sets her alarm 17 minutes earlier than she really
needs to get up -- which means that it is actually 26 minutes
earlier than she needs to get up, according to Anita Time.
"It works for me," she says, smiling.
And so it does. I've never known her to be late for anything. In
fact, she's usually early.
About 11 minutes early,come to think of it.
All of which creates a dilemma.At 2 a.m. on Sunday,Oct. 26,
Daylight Savings Time will end,which means we "fall back" (as
opposed to "springing forward,"which is what we do in April when
Daylight Savings Time starts).Not only does this give us the
intoxicating feeling that we are getting an extra hour of sleep
(which we all know is a lie because we stay up a couple of hours
later than we normally would because we KNOW we get that extra
hour), butit also gives us Something Important To Do. Sometime -- either before we go to bed or right after we get up -- someone has to roam around the house and set all the clocks back. With all of the electronic gizmos of modern living, each with its own LED clock,this job can take well into November.
As the family's self-annointed clock adjuster, I usually spend 20 minutes or so planning my strategy. Should I just set the clocks back an hour,or should I set them back to the CORRECT time?This is,after all,my opportunity to make things right,to restore order to clock chaos and get everyone on the RIGHT time -- which just happens to be MY time.But then I think about the confusion that could follow if every clock in the house had the exact same time.Think "Stepford Clocks." Why tamper with a system that,for whatever reason, works?
So,I’ll just move the clocks back an hour on Sunday. Period. No
tampering with the delicate balance of time and truth. ... And if anybody wants to really know what time it is -- ask.
If anybody really cares.
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