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Author
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Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Two
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-14-2004 01:13 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Denny in Yonkers
The 1950's Perspective
1. "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10."
2. "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year?It won't be long when $2,000 will only buy a used one.
3. "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."
4. "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a nickel just to mail a letter?"
5. "The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it's going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."
6. "If they raise the minimum wage to 75 cents, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."
7. "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 40 cents a gallon.Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the
garage."
8. "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."
9. "Also, their music drives me wild. This 'Rock Around The Clock' thing is nothing but racket."
10. "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with
saying 'damn' in Gone With The Wind, it seems every
movie has a 'hell' or 'damn' in it."
11. "Also, it won't be long until couples are sleeping in the same bed in the movies. What is this world coming to?"
12. "Marilyn Monroe is now showing her bra and panties, so apparently there are no standards anymore."
13. "Pretty soon you won't be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar."
14. "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
15. "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $25,000 a year just to play ball?It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."
16. "Do you suppose television will ever reach our part of the country?"
17. "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even makingelectric typewriters now."
18. "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few women are having to work to make ends meet."
19. "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
20. "Marriage doesn't mean a thing anymore. Those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
21. "I'll tell you one thing. If my kid ever talks back to me, they won't be able to sit down for a week."
22. "Did you know the new church in town is allowing women to wear slacks to the service?"
23. "Next thing you know is, the government will start paying us not to grow crops."
24. "I'm just afraid that Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."
25. "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress."
26. "Why in the world would you want to send your daughter to college? Isn't she going to get married? It would be different if she could be a doctor or a lawyer."
27. "I just hate to see the young people smoking. As I tell my kids, Don't take a cigarette from ANYONE. You never know what might be in it."
28. The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
29. "There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
30. "Anymore no one can afford to be sick,$35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."
31. "If a few idiots want to risk their necks flying across the country that's fine, but nothing will never replace trains."
32. "I don't know about you but if they raise the price of coffee to 15 cents,I'll just have to drink mine at home."
33. "If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut,forget it. I'll have my wife learn to cut hair."
34. "We won't be going out much anymore.Our baby sitter informed us she wants 50 cents an hour.Kids think money grows on trees. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-20-2004 10:23 AM
Rated G Michele
Pick-up Lines
That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...
Do you want to see something swell?
Hey babe....do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Is that a double ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?
Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?
Irishman : Have you got a little Irish in you? She: Uh...no....
Irishman: Would you like some?
Pardon me, but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
Say,didn't we go to different schools together?
Wanna screw like bunnies?
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk
about the first thing that pops up?
I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:
"Smile if you want to sleep with me", then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...
Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
You smell wet. Let's party.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Would you like to dance, or should I go f**k myself again?
Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
At the office copy machine: Reproducing, eh? Can I help?
Would you like Gin and platonic,or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
Gee,you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
Miss,if you've lost your virginity,can I have the box it came in?
Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and
say: Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
Hey, wanna see my R2-D2 impersonation? (Think about it...)
Hey baby...infect me!
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a screw? What's the matter, don't like pizza?
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-20-2004 11:10 AM
Rated G Michele
I heard a story years ago which, I hope,will bring a lot of
comfort to those who are taunted with the "if you had more
faith..." issue.
I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor.The pastor
was a wise,grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring
voice that can melt all fear. The lady, who was obviously crying, said,"Pastor,I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life.I don't mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."
The pastor asked her,"Tell me, do you carry one of those white
canes?"
"Yes I do," she replied.
"Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane," He said."Then tell them,'If you had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-20-2004 11:12 AM
Rated G
Ponderings & curiosities
The eyes are the 2nd to go...I forget the first...
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
A beggar asked me for 50¢ for a sandwich. I said, "First let me
see the sandwich."
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and,when he grows up,he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
look like a nail.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show
you a man who can't get his pants off.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-21-2004 06:07 AM
Rated G Michele
Joe had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly."What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response."Did she accept?"
"No,she sure didn't," sobbed Joe."When I told her what you
advised me to say,she slapped my face and told me to get the hell out."
"Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say,what I told
your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time
stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?"
asked his father.
"Oh boy,dad,did I got it all wrong," Joe groaned."I said,'MY
Dear,you have a face that would stop a clock!'"
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