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Author
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Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 12-16-2004 04:00 PM
Rated PG ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
An attractive young lady with raven-black hair and wide eyes approached the gates of Heaven.
Looking her over, St. Peter said, "And may I ask, young lady, if you are a virgin?"
"I am," was her demure reply.
Not wanting to appear distrustful but having to be cautious, St. Peter called over an angel to examine her.
Several minutes later the angel returned. "She's a virgin," the angel stated, "though I'm obliged to inform you that she *does* have seven small dents in her maidenhead."
Thanking him,St. Peter took his place behind the ledger and faced the girl."Well, miss, we're going to admit you.
What is your name?"
She replied sweetly, "Snow White." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 12-31-2004 05:28 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Maury put in a 9-1-1 call to the paramedics....
"Can you tell me what happened, sir?" asked the dispatcher.
"Why, I was just driving my Buick down Main Street, near Elm - you know the area? - and I seen some kids over by the old drugstore - you know, ol' man Gumby's, we called it, but it's boarded up and they're making it over, gonna put a CVS in I think - and then BAM! an egg comes flying through my window - huh? yeah, the window was open, jeeesh, what, an egg can break a window? - and whops me one, right off the head! I hadta be going 30, maybe 35, and lemme tell ya, that sure stung," Maury recalled. "Drew a little blood, too, I can't really see it so I don't know if I need stitches or not."
"Did I understand you correctly, sir, you were hit in the head with an egg as you drove with your window down? You know, this time of year, we have a term for this, for our report logs."
"Yes, it was a drive-by'd egging, but *I* was driving," said Maury. "So what is this term you have for this incident... and is it all that common?"
"Well," said the dispatcher, "it's not *UN*common, and during the holiday season, we call that an 'EggNoggin'."
"Ah, you people are way too funny, with all your joking at the expense of our injuries. So tell me, what would you call it when someone walking down the street gets hit in the foot?"
"Well sir, I don't believe that one has come up yet."
"Well, when it does," said Maury, "I've got the term you can use... you can say he's been 'Missle Toed'."
"Oh, I get it sir. That's very funny. Did you need an ambulance?"
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-01-2005 06:20 PM
Rated G Michele
Bizarre College Courses
At Georgetown University, you can boldly go where no other philosophy student has gone before in the "Philosophy and Star Trek" course, where students discuss the nature of time travel, the ability of computers to think and feel, and other philosophical dilemmas faced by the crew of the Starship Enterprise.
Students analyze the plots, themes, and characters of daytime soaps and discuss their impact on modern life in the University of Wisconsin's course entitled "Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles."
If students wish to research how hot dogs, amusement parks, and the five-day workweek have impacted American leisure culture, they can take the University of Iowa course "The American Vacation." They'll learn how American families' varying backgrounds shape their vacation experiences.
Students at Bowdoin College can enroll in "The Horror Film in Context" in the school's English Department. Students read Freud and Poe and watch Hitchcock and Craven, all while discussing the horror genre's treatment of gender, class, and family.
At Williams College, students can learn more about those in the cement shoe industry by enrolling in "Comparative History of Organized Crime," which compares the work of goodfellas from the United States, Italy, Japan, and Russia.
Barnard College offers a course on "The Road Movie," which studies Easy Rider and Thelma and Louise, while also discussing the genre's literary precursors, like On the Road and The Odyssey.
Contemplate the relationship between sin and the art world at the Rhode Island School of Design's "The Art of Sin and the Sin of Art." The course catalog invites you to "lust with the saints and burn with the sinners."
At Centre College in Danville, Kentucky, students can take "Art of Walking," in which students not only read literature by noted perambulators like Kant and Nietzsche, but go for neighborhood strolls with their professor and his dog.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-02-2005 04:55 AM
Rated PG
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:
[b]1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.The bozone layer, unfortunately,shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an azzhole.
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