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Author Topic: Miscellaneous - Part Three Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-08-2005 11:30 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Getting older, everything gets worse; except forgetfulness... That gets better.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-08-2005 11:32 AM                        Rated PG "Gas prices are affecting my sex life. With prices over $2 a gallon, I only date women in a 5-gallon radius." --Paul Rodriguez  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-08-2005 11:44 AM                        Rated G B.B. Ruth rode upon my motor bike, directly back of me. I hit a bump at 95, and rode on Ruthlessly.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2005 10:32 AM                        Rated G Did you hear about the accountant with insomnia? He decided to try counting sheep, but he made a mistake and was up all night trying to find it! !  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2005 10:44 AM                        Rated G A man was one day walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival. The street was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily, "I never make way for fools!" Smiling, the man stepped aside and said, "I always do."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2005 10:46 AM                        Rated G Steve SIGN AT AN AUTO REPAIR SERVICE: Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2005 10:47 AM                        Rated G YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LOSER WHEN... 1. Your ship comes in and you're at the train station. 2. Your talking mynah bird says, "Who asked you?" 3. Your twin forgets your birthday. 4. Your parents attend PTA meeting under an assumed name. 5. Your answering machine hangs up on you.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-11-2005 11:11 AM                        Rated G TEEN POVERTY IN AMERICA After spending several hours observing teenagers hanging out at our local mall I came to the conclusion that many teenagers in America today are living in dire poverty. Most young men, I observed, didn't even own a belt; there was not one among the whole group. But that wasn't the sad part. Many were wearing their daddies' jeans. Some jeans were so big and baggy they hung low on their hips, exposing their underwear. I know some must have been ashamed their daddy was short, because his jeans hardly went below their knees. They weren't even their daddies' good jeans, for most had holes ripped in the knees and a dirty look to them. It grieved me that in a modern, affluent society like America, there are people who can't afford a decent pair of jeans. I was thinking about asking my church to start a jeans drive for "poor kids at the mall." Then on Christmas Eve, we could go Christmas caroling and distribute jeans to these poor teenagers. But here is the saddest part..... it was the girls the boys were hanging out with that disturbed me most. I've never, in all of my life, seen such poverty-stricken girls. These girls had the opposite problem of the guys. They all had to wear their little sisters' clothes. Their jeans were about 5 sizes too small! I don't know how they could put them on, let alone button them up. Their jeans barely went over their hipbones. Most also had on their little sister's top; it hardly covered their midsections. Oh, they were trying to hold their heads up with pride, but it was a sad sight to see these almost grown women wearing children's clothes. That's not all. What I first thought were the shortest of shorts turned out to be skirts. It was not until I realized these poor skirted creatures were all showing off their panties that their plight really struck home. It was their underwear that bothered me most. I never saw anything like it. It looked like their underwear was held together only by a single piece of string. That string was in the back and their entire rear end was showing. They couldn't bend over, sit down, or hardly move without their underwear being fully visible. It was truly a disheartening sight. I know it saddens your heart to receive this report on the condition of our American teenagers. While I go to bed every night with a closet full of clothes nearby, there are millions of "mall girls" who barely have enough material to keep it together. I think their "poorness" is why these 2 groups gather at the mall, boys with their short daddies' ripped jeans, and girls wearing their younger sisters' clothes and underwear that doesn't cover all that needs to be covered. The mall is one place where they can find acceptance. So, next time you are at the mall doing your shopping, and you pass by some of these poor teenagers, would you say a prayer for them? And one more thing, will you pray the guys' pants won't fall down, and the girls' strings won't break? I thank you all, Concerned!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-11-2005 01:31 PM                        Rated PG You're so poor..============= You can't afford to pay attention. A guy walked into your house, stepped on a cigarette and your mom yelled, "Who turned off the heat?" Your parents got married for the rice. I saw your mom walking down the street with one shoe, I said, "Hey, you lost a shoe." she said, "No, I found one." Someone rang your doorbell and you had to yell "Ding Dong!" out the window. When someone asks where the bathroom is, your mom says "pick a corner... any corner." You buy an imitation of a fake Rolex. Burglars bring things to you.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-13-2005 09:29 PM                        Rated G My family moved into a beautiful old house. Its redbrick walls were covered with a mass of ivy and Virginia creeper, which housed a multitude of swallows, sparrows and house martins. The first spring we were there, however, it became evident that all the birds were taking their toll on our clean windows. Mother called a window cleaner. When he arrived, he was undoubtedly startled by her greeting: "Oh, I'm so glad to see you! It's mating season, you know.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-13-2005 09:42 PM                        Rated G "Did you all see that cruise ship on the news that was attacked by pirates? Wasn't that something? They fired a cannon at it, they fired machine guns at it. ..look, I know Kathie Lee is annoying but that seems a little harsh." --Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-13-2005 09:43 PM                        Rated G "Every election I go to the polling place with my Uncle Earl. He went into the booth first and I was in line behind him. I'm sitting there waiting and waiting and finally I hear, "The damn thing won't flush!" --Dave Letterman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-14-2005 08:45 AM                        Rated G Happiness is like a butterfly... The more you pursue it, the more it will elude. When you learn to be patient and still. It will fly over and land on your shoulder.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-14-2005 09:00 AM                        Rated G SICKOS What do beekeepers get? HIVES. What do airline pilots get? FLU. What do computer geeks get? SLIPPED DISCS. If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get? MISSLE TOE. What do firefighters get? WATER ON THE KNEE. What do workers at McDonald's get? FALLEN ARCHES. What do carpenters get? SHINGLES. What do spies get? SEE-SICKNESS. What do basketball players get? HOOPING COUGH. What do watchmakers get? ALL WOUND UP!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-14-2005 09:01 AM                        Rated G Patti: Why is that dachshund sitting in the sun? Richard: Because his owners like hot dogs.  |  IP: Logged

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