A happy couple went on a cruise for their honeymoon.

The couple's conversation headed towards political and international events. The husband asked, "Honey. What do you think about the Middle East position."

A man is sitting down in front of the fire place and is reading
the Bible. His wife comes in and looks down at him and says, "Why
do you always sit there and read that thing, what does it help?"
He looks up at her and says, "I read it because it has an answer
and examples of everything."

After giving her husband a weird look, she says, "In that case I
want you to find an example of where a woman had PMS in the Bible,
and I'll even give you until tomorrow."

So, he goes along with the deal.

She comes back out the next day and says, "So, did you find it?"

Husband: Honey, when I die, will you marry again?

Wife: I am afraid I will. You know how much I hate solitude.

Husband: Will you let him drive my car?

Wife: Well, I think so.

Husband: Will you let him sit in my favorite chair?

Wife: Maybe.

Husband: Will you let him have my gold watch?

Wife: Maybe.

Husband: Will you let him wear my nice suits?

Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy Magazines for the same reason."

When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?"

HUSBAND VS.WIFE

He wears the pants in the house, under his apron.

He has two chances of winning an argument with her, slim and none.

She leads a double life, hers and his.

He comes right out and says what she tells him to think.

She does not have to raise the roof; all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.

He always has the last word, he says, "I apologize."

He was a man about town, she has turned him into a mouse around the house.

The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.

He put a ring on her finger and she put one through his nose.

He was a dude before marriage, now he is subdued.

He married her for her looks, but not the kind he's getting now.

She lost her thumb in an accident and sued for $100,000, because it was the thumb she had him under.

She even complains about the noise he makes, when he is fixing his own breakfast.

He goes to a woman dentist - it's a relief to be told to open his
mouth instead of to shut it.

Soon after their wedding, the bride tells the groom, "Darling, now that we are married, I want you to fire your secretary."

"But honey," says the groom, "you used to be a secretary yourself."

"Yes," she replies, "that's why I want you to fire her."

Jill has never been known to be a great cook, but decided one day at the prompting of her husband to give it a try.

At breakfast one day, she eagerly waited for her husband to comment on her first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, Jill sked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?"

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mothersaying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay,as we do not appear
to want her. What does she mean by that?I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"

I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer
meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags thaysay: "Whatever,
" "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.

Bill has been getting along nicely with his wife.

A friend of mine kind-of summed-up his feelings towards his wife by saying:

When my wife said we were breaking up, I thought she was referring to a bad cell phone connection.

SECRETS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1. It is important to find a women who cooks and cleans.

2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.

3. It is important to find a woman who likes sex.