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Author Topic: Husbands & Wives Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2004 10:52 AM                        Rated G Scrubber A sailor about to arrive in his home port sends the following telegram to his wife - In today,home tonight.Lots of love, Rodney. His delighted wife received the following mangled telegram - Home today,in tonight.Lots of rod,Lovely  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-14-2004 11:25 AM                        Rated G A man's incessant remote-control channel-surfing was driving his wife nuts. "It really irks me when you flip through the channels like that," she said.When he began to whistle,she snapped,"Now what are you doing?" He answered, "I thought I should whistle while I irk."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-19-2004 09:41 PM                        Rated G Michele Some men are so interested in their wives' continued happiness that they hire detectives to find out the reason for it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2004 10:32 AM                        Rated G Michele This guy comes home dead tired from working a twelve-hour day and collapses in bed. He's just about asleep when his wife rolls over and says,"What would you do if I told you that you had a beautiful,sexy,horny woman lying next to you?" He replied,"Don't worry honey I'd stay faithful."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2004 11:30 AM                        Rated X Lulu A husband said to his wife: "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it." The wife said to her husband: "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-21-2004 06:28 AM                        Rated G Before marriage,a man will lie awake all night thinking about something his lover said. After marriage,he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-21-2004 06:31 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee My husband and I married for better or worse... He couldn't do better and I couldn't do worse.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-22-2004 12:30 PM                        [b]Rated R "After 10 years of marriage, sex with my wife is down to three times a year." "Same here pal. As a matter of fact, if mine wouldn't sleep with her mouth open, I'd have none at all."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2004 06:25 AM                        Rated G Jim was just falling off to sleep when his wife nudged him and said the telephone was ringing. At this hour it was probably for him, she said, closing her eyes. Jim rolled out of bed and trundled downstairs. When he returned, his wife was asleep. He woke her. "Wasn't for me, after all," he said. She crawled out of bed and pulled on a robe. Then he added, "It was a wrong number."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2004 06:27 AM                        Rated G When the car engine developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought special or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the roughness of the engine." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "It cost the same as always.I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2004 06:52 AM                        Rated G Late Wedding Gift Five years after my wife and I were married, we received our final wedding gift -- an ice-cream maker. In an attempt to cover procrastination with humor, the friend who sent it included a note: "I wanted to make sure the marriage would last." She wasn't amused, but did think the present deserved a thank-you note anyway, which she dutifully sent five years later. Her note read: "I wanted to be sure the ice-cream maker would last."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2004 11:48 AM                        Rated G Jim is very upset and yells at Dave,"You slept with my wife,you son of a bitch.I'm gonna make you pay for what you did." "Bullshit!" replies Dave, "why should I pay twice."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2004 04:14 PM                        Rated G An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right,and never, ever have sex again--the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs--she's coming downstairs, he's heading up. "Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide." "I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-30-2004 07:14 AM                        Rated G Any of you who have ever seen an old fashioned formal wedding portrait will notice that the man is seated, and the woman is standing alongside. While that may seem just the reverse of what it should be -- think about it. He was probably too damn tired to stand, and she was too damn sore to sit down.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2004 11:07 AM                        Rated G "Why are you so upset?" "My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning." "So what?" "So she said to him, 'Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I've been telling you about'."  |  IP: Logged

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