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Author Topic: Husbands & Wives Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 08:35 AM                        Rated G Extremely tired of nagging my children to do their everyday chores, I typed up a list of rules and went over all 30 with them. A little while later, my husband walked over and read the posted list, looked at me and said, "God made only ten Commandments."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 09:25 AM                        Rated R A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?" The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 09:35 AM                        Rated G Lulu I was shopping with my husband at a local supermarket and suddenly couldn't find him. "I've lost my husband!" I muttered slightly louder than was necessary. Then I heard a woman's voice from the next aisle: "Some people have all the luck."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2006 07:26 AM                        Rated G Ken Intuition can be defined as a wife's ability to contradict her husband before he gets to say anything.  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 03-10-2006 05:50 PM                        Rated PG... A man went to his doctor's office to get a double dose of viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose. "Why not?" asked the man. "Because it's not safe," replied the doctor. "But I need it really bad," said the man. "Well, why do you need it so badly?" asked the doctor. The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose." The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects." On Monday, the man dragged himself in, his arm in a sling. The doctor asked, "What happened to you?" The man said, "No one showed up."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-11-2006 11:10 AM                        Rated G Vicky Live each day as if it were the first day of your marriage and the last day of your vacation. ** Submitted by B.B. The formula for a happy marriage is the same as for living in California: when you find a fault, don't dwell on it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-11-2006 11:22 AM                        Rated G Lulu "What's your husband getting for his 50th birthday?" the woman asked her friend. "Fat and bald," she replied.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-11-2006 11:45 AM                        Rated G Ken Never argue with your wife when she's tired or rested.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-12-2006 09:07 AM                        Rated G When my husband, Paul, called from work one day to say he didn't feel well, I paid attention. He never got sick, not even a common cold. The symptoms seemed like food poisoning, but Paul said all he'd eaten that day was a sandwich from the cafeteria at work, and it had tasted fine. The next day he came home from work early and went straight to bed. I asked again if he knew why the symptoms came on so suddenly. "Well," he said, "some of my colleagues went to the cafeteria to check out what I ate yesterday." "And what was the result?" I asked. Paul looked up from his sickbed and sheepishly said: "When I went to the cafeteria in mid afternoon, the regular staff wasn't there, so I grabbed the first thing I saw. It seems my meal had been sitting there for days. I ate the display sandwich."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-12-2006 09:11 AM                        Rated G Gerry After suffering through years of his wife's godawful coffee, the man spit it out and took the coffee maker to his lawyer. Dropping it on the attorney's desk, the man growled, " Here they are!" "Here are what?" the startled lawyer asked. "Grounds for divorce."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-17-2006 03:40 PM                        Rated G Lorraine I noticed a hand-painted gold-and-burgundy brandy snifter at my in- laws where we were celebrating their wedding anniversary. My father-in-law explained that it had been a wedding gift from Ireland they had received 50 years earlier. My brother-in-law picked it up and passed it around the dinner table. My heart was in my mouth as it went from one person to another because my in-laws seemed to habitually drop and break things. Finally it reached me and I put it back on the display case. How had this fragile keepsake lasted so long in this family, I wondered aloud. "It's the last of a set of eight," my father-in- law replied casually.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-17-2006 03:42 PM                        Rated G A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." [ 03-18-2006, 02:27 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 09:07 AM                        Rated G B.B. Question: Why do men kneel down to propose? Answer: It's called surrender!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 07:20 AM                        Rated G Gerry Gwen was shocked when her twenty-two-year-old friend Peggy announced one day that she was going to marry a seventy-two-year-old man. "Peggy," she said, "You know these May-December marriages are never happy ones for May. December finds energy and beauty and youth in May, but what does May ever find in December?" Winking, Peggy replied, "Santa."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-20-2006 07:45 AM                        Rated G Gerry A man succeeded to get his wife to diet by telling her, "Do you realize that there are forty pounds of you that I'm not legally married to?  |  IP: Logged

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