A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.

A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."

No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

An Eskimo takes his snowmobile to the mechanic.

The mechanic sticks his head under the hood and has a look at the engine.

Eventually he declares, "You must have blown a seal."

TAXI DRIVER

One dismal rainy night in London, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman in the back seat.

"Where to Miss?" he stammered.

"Kings Cross," answered the woman.

"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman looked up and caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at driver?"

"Well madam," he answered, "I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare?"

"The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said,"Does this answer your question?"

ANOTHER NEWS BULLETTIN

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snowblower coming.

What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

What's the speed limit of sex?
68; at 69 you have to turn around.

What's the ultimate rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast?  I just got laid a minute ago."

Questions and Answers

Q: What do you call a funeral where you smell your own flowers?
A: A wedding.

Q: What did the sign on the whorehouse door say?
A: Beat it - were closed

Q: What you get when you cross Rogaine and Viagra?
A: Don King's hair.

You Gotta Help Me Doc, I’m An Idiot!

Doctor: "Ask the accident victim his name so we can notify his family."

Slogans for National Condom Week

1. Cover your stump before you hump.

2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.

4. When in doubt, shroud your sprout.

5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.

6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.

7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.

9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.

10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick.

12. If you go into heat, package your meat.

13. While you're undressing Venus, dress up that penis.

14. When you take off her pants and blouse, dress up your trouser mouse.

15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.

16. Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.

17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.

18. The right selection! Protect your erection!

19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.

20. A crank with armor will never harm her.

21. If you really love her, wear a cover.

22. Don't make a mistake, muzzle your snake.

23. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.

24. If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.

Question:

WHAT'S RED, BLUE, GREEN, ORANGE, PURPLE, YELLOW, AND MADE OF WOOD?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WIFE AND YOUR JOB?

Your job still sucks after 6 months.

What do toilets, clitoris, & an anniversary have in common?

--Bad pick up lines ---Even in NY Suburbs----like Colorado & Texas & Australia

• Hi, are you legal?

• Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

• I can make you feel like I've never had sex before.

• Hey there! I bet you’d be better than beating off.

• I'm not trying anything. I always put my hands there.

• What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?

• You smell. So, let's take a shower together.

• You'll be good enough for now.

• You're not attractive, but I bet you're great in bed.

• "Excuse me, could I interest you in breaking up my marriage ?"

• I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

Three guys went on spring vacation and booked three rooms at a hotel.

When they got to the hotel the clerk said there were no reservations in the computer for them but they had an opening in a suite they had.

So they said okay.

Then the clerk gave them the key, said it was on the 30th floor and the elevator was broken so they would have to use the stairs.

They said okay and made a deal the first guy would tell funny stories the 1st ten flights.

The second guy would tell scary stories the 2nd ten flights, and the third would tell sad stories the last ten flights.

So the fisrt guy told stories and they walked slow.

Then the second guy told stories and they sped up when they got scared.

Last the 3rd guy told sad stories and at the last stair he said, "Want to
hear the saddest story in the world" and the other guys said okay tell us.

Q: How do you identify a bald eagle?
A: All his feathers are combed over to one side.

Q: What you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless

Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she'll swallow.

Q: What does it mean when two lesbians make love?
A: It doesn't mean dick

"Mind Reader"

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake.

He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared?

He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction.

He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby.

He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.

The ladies got nearby and looked at him.

He felt awkward and wanted to move.

Then one of the ladies said: 'You know , I have a special gift, I can read minds.'

'Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what I think?'

EMOTICONS: We all know those cute symbols made with keyboard characters called ''emoticons.'' For instance:

means a smile

is a sad face

Sometimes a nose is drawn into the symbol: :-) :-(

But, had you heard about BUTTICONS? Here are some of them:

(_!_) normal ass

(__!__) fat ass

(!) tight ass

(_._) virgin ass

(_*_) wiped ass

{_!_} wrinkled ass

(_o_) long mileage ass; bazooka bore ass (_O_)
real long mileage ass; gunboat bore ass

(_x_) frowning ass

(_X_) condemned ass

(_$_) valuable ass

[_T_] square ass

(_:_) mondo weird ass

(_@_) cyberass

(_?_) mystery ass

(_#_) hurt ass

(__) closed ass

(_%_) pimply ass

CYBERTITS:
(o)(o) perfect tits

( + )( + ) fake silicone tits

(*)(*) perky nippled tits

(@)(@) big nippled tits

(oYo) push-up tits

(^)(^) cold tits

(o)(O) uneven tits

(Q)(Q) droopy tits

(p)(q) tits'n'streamers

( )(o) tits bitten by a vampire

\o/\o/ grannie's tits

( - )( - ) tits slammed against the shower door

|oo| borg tits

()() Elle McPherson tits

( o Y o ) Playmate tits

(.)(.)(.) Full Challenge tits