Everything Happens For A Reason


Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there…to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes thing happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never realize your potential, strength, will power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create whom you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things. Make every day count. Appreciate everything that you possibly can, for you may never experience it again.

Talk to people whom you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. Hold you head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for it you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create you own life and then go out and live it.

Share this with anyone whom you believe has made a difference in your life!

"If you take your eyes off your goals, all you see is obstacles."

Cards You Will Never See From Hallmark

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!"

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go,I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guyswith breasts that are bigger than mine."

"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened, especially since you survived."

"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!"

"Congratulations on getting married! It's not every day you decide to ruin your life!"

An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush.
As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.

After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since, Karen, his model, had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.

A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.

"Sir, we don't stop at Victoria."

"But I have to get off there!"

"Sorry sir, we don't stop at Victoria"

"But you don't understand, I have a VERY important meeting in Victoria. I *MUST* get off there!"

"Well, there might be one thing I can do. I might be able to get the engineer to slow down the train a little. Then I can dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform."

"Will that work?"

"It's worth a try."

As they approached the platform, the train is slowing from 50 MPH. The collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. The man starts running in mid-air.

"Run faster! Faster!" He lowers the man and the man's feet touch the platform. His shoes start to smoke! His heel comes off! He's running at 30 MPH. He's made it! He starts to slow down! The other passengers stare in amazement.

As the last car goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt collar and lifts him right back into the train! As he's helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says,"Man you're lucky I was here to help! This train doesn't even STOP in Victoria!"

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madame, "Is this a union house?"

"No, I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."

"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night."

A man stops by a cafe for breakfast.

After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip--three pennies.

As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself: "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves."

The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?"

"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man."

Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters, "Hmmm, true enough."

"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor."

Surprised at her perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too."

This is for Phil to think about while hes watching those sunsets

Reasons to Go to Work Nude

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

Sometime in the 1970s a shipment of meat arrives in a town in the Soviet Union. The townspeople line up at the town store to wait to be given their rations.

After about an hour, a man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so the Jews have to
leave." The Jews in the line leave grumbling.

About an hour later, the man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so anyone who is
not a member of the Communist party will have to leave." More grumbling as the non-Party members depart.

Another hour goes by and the man comes out of the store again and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone in the
line, so anyone who wasn't a member of the Party before 1956 has to leave." More grumbling as all the younger Party members leave. A few old people remain in the
line.

Another hour goes by. It's now getting dark and it's cold. The same man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't any meat. Go home."

Joe and Moe are walking down the street.

Joe has a box under his arm.

Moe asks what's in it. "Is it for your wife?"

Joe shakes his head and opens the box. Damn if there wasn't a woman's head with a large hat with flowers on it.

"Christ, Joe, that's horrible."

"You know, that's what I said when she told me she spent $200 on it."

Do you know why blind people don't skydive?

GOOD TOWEL-HEADS / BAD TOWEL-HEADS

In light of recent world events, there has been much discussion about "Towel-heads." It is unfair to profile and characterize all"towel-heads" as bad or evil. In fact, there are some good "towel-heads."

In fact, it is your civic duty to be able to distinguish between good and evil towel-heads! Suppose, for instance, you were walking down a dark alley and encounter a towel-head...what would you do?

Knowing the difference between good andevil is paramount. The difference between some Uzi carrying dirt-bag, camel fucking bad towel-head and a good towel-head can sometimes be the difference between life and death.

So that you can make a clear distinction, I have attached photographs of a bad towel-head and a good "Towel-head." You must study the pictures carefully so that you will not confuse the two in a moment of indecision . . . it could save your life!

Now then.....

Bad towel-head

and......

GOOD towel-head.

Think you got it straight now?

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his man servant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "A man is sitting on the well."

This lady always wanted an expensive car -- a status symbol to drive around and be seen in.

She scrimps and saves, goes to the dealer, and plops down several years income for a brand new state-of-the-art, computer enhanced, kick-ass, dream mobile.

She's driving off. Decides she wants some music and searches for the radio. The dashboard looks like a control panel at NASA. She fiddles with this button, that gizmo... jiggles these and those, but finally gives up. Can't find the damned thing.

Furious, she races back to the dealership and screams at the salesman. Tells him they forgot to install the radio.

He assures her it's right there in front of her. It's hooked into the onboard computer. All she has to do is tell it what she wants. He demonstrates: "Classical",
he says.

*click*

The car fills with the sounds of Paganini.

"Blues", he says, and *click* a B.B. King classic plays.

She drives off amazed. "Country", she says, and *click* a Garth Brooks tune comes on. "Folk" *click* Joan Baez sings about the night they drove ol' Dixie down. "New
Age" *click* Yanni at the Acropolis snaps on. She's so captivated by this new toy that she isn't paying much attention to the road.

Another driver runs a light and cuts her off.

"ASSHOLE!!!" she screams.

*click*

Little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse shit onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

SIGNS OF INNER STRENGTH:

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,