Thought you might like to see these!!!

Comments made in the year 1957:

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going theway they are, it's goingto be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year?
It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be
wearing their hair as long as the girls."

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress."

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."

"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

Printed on my next T-Shirt .... ....

A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?"

"Yes, it does," replied the rancher. "Do you remember that part in the Bible when it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"

"Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood," the visitor said.

There was a fantastic and very total eclipse of the moon last night, best seen in Melbourne and the longest period of totality for the next thousand years.

The sky was clear and dry, the weather freezing cold, the stars bright enough to burn, as I watched the brilliant full moon gradually being consumed by the shadow of the earth.

I had the telescope out and I watched as the blinding disk slowly darkened and took on the ghostly red color of earthlight.

A little girl, who swam like a fish, broke out in a rash for no apparent reason, so her parents sent some of the water from their swimming pool to a lab for testing.

It's So Hot in Texas that..........

The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, 'cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year old."

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

You can make instant sun tea.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

You notice that the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and get cooked to death?"

STATE MOTTOS

ALABABA: Hell Yes, We Have Electricy

ALASKA: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong !

ARIZONA: But It's A Dry Heat

ARKANSAS: Literacy Ain't Everything

CALIFORNIA: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

COLORADO: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

CONNECTICUT: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet

DELAWARE: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

FLORIDA: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

GEORGIA: We Put the "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

HAWAII: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum,
But Leave Your Money)

IDAHO: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The
Potatoes Sure Are Goood.

ILLINOIS: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

INDIANA: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

IOWA: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

KANSAS: First of the Rectangle States

LOUISIANA: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our
Tourist Campaign

MAINE: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

MARYLAND: If you Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

MASSACHUSETTS: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax
Brackets)

MICHIGAN: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

MINNESOTA: 10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

MISSISSIPPI: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

MISSOURI: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

MONTANA: Land Of the Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies,
And Very Little Else.

NEBRASKA: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

NEVADA: Hookers and Poker !

NEW HAMPSHIRE: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

NEW JERSEY: You Want A ##$%## Motto ? I Got yer ##$%## Motto
Right Here !

NEW MEXICO: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

NEW YORK: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right
To An Attorney...

NORTH CAROLINA: Tobacco Is a Vegetable

NORTH DAKOTA: We Really Are One Of The 50 States

OHIO: At Least Wer're Not Michigan

OKLAHOMA: Like The Play, Only No Singing

OREGON: Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner

PENNSYLVANIA: Cook With Coal Because Of The Four
Seasons...Winter, Winter,Winter and Construction

RHODE ISLAND: We're Not REALLY An Island

SOUTH CAROLINA: Remember The Civil War ? We Did'nt Actually
Surrender

SOUTH DAKOTA: Closer Than North Dakota

TENNESSEE: The Educashun State

TEXAS: Si, Hablo Ingles (Yes I Speak English)

UTAH: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

VERMONT: Yep

VIRGINA: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

WASHINGTON: Help ! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slacker

WASHINGTON D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor ?

WEST VIRGINIA: One Big Happy Family..Really !

WISCONSIN: Come Cut The Cheese

WORLD'S FUNNIEST T-SHIRTS!

Actual Tee Shirt Slogans:

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - (seen on an 8 year old)

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?"

"Party -- My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)

"If a woman's place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!"

"ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING"

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

"They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken"

"He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"

"POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN...Cops have nothing to go on."

"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

"A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS--But it uses up a thousand times
memory."

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig."

"HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!"

"The trouble with life is there's no background music."

"The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."

"Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane."

"MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT"

"Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."

This lady had been married to a farmer all her life. They had cows and horses on their farm and also grew a number of crops for sale at the local farmer's market.

While shopping at the local grocery store for a few items that she and her husband did not raise themselves, she came across a contest form for canned Carnation Milk. The object was to complete a jingle in fifty words or less.

The Company furnished the first line of the jingle with these words, "I like Carnation best of all....."

She completed their jingle and sent it off to the Carnation Milk Company.

A couple of months later, the woman was surprised when a Carnation Milk person came to her door and told her that her entry was the best one submitted.

However, it was unfortunate the compnay could not publish it. In lieu of that latter fact, they had decided that her entry was worth at least a consolation award and provided her with a company check in the amount of $1,000 for her creativity.

Here is her entry:

A Brazilian, attending a Masquerade Ball, was dancing with a tourist girl who was wearing a map of Texas for a costume.

Suddenly, she slapped him hard and stalked off the dance floor.

"What the heck happened?" asked a friend who had witnessed the entire event.

"I'm not really sure," the man replied rubbing his red cheek.

Mrs. Wilson calls the Sheriff and tells him that Old Man Johnson is using dynamite to fish in the small lake on her property.

The Sheriff says that he's told Old Man Johnson that using dynamite to fish was illegal numerous times and he would be out right away to put an end to it.

When he arrives at the Wilson's he can plainly see Old Man Johnson in a small rowboat lighting dynamite with the end of his cigar and tossing it overboard and then "Whoomp" - several fish would rise to the surface where Old Man Johnson would just pick them up and put them in his bucket.

The Sheriff yells at the top of his lungs, but Old Man Johnson either doesn't hear him or is just ignoring him and keeps tossing the lit dynamite overboard.

Finally, his voice getting hoarse, the sheriff decides to row out there and then grabs Old Man Johnson by the arm and says "Johnson, I've told you over and over that you can't use dynamite to fish - it's against the law"

GOD looks down on earth one day and is concerned about what He sees. He calls St. Francis and the following conversation occurs.

GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -- sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so Myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?"

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.....

You've probably heard of "deja vu," the illusion of having
previously experienced a situation that is happening now.
Here are some related expressions

Daily News of August 16, 2002:

Calvin Klein Underpants Recalled, Goodyear Blamed

NEW YORK, NY (AheadOfNews.com) - beginning with the highly publicized injury of Marky Mark, investigators have determined that Calvin Klein underpants may undergo "explosive de-extension" of their elastic band.

The incident with Marky Mark occurred at a recent advertising photo shoot. "Kate Moss had just draped her arm over my chest," said Mark, "when suddenly my underpants just went WHAM! and squeezed me like I was in a vise. At first, I thought Kate was giving me a wedgie, but I couldn't figure out how she could do that with one hand, let alone that hard."

As other reports of similar incidents came in, investigators were able to link the cases of explosive de-extension of the elastic in the underpants with the presence of esters sometimes found in perfumes, such as Calvin Klein's "Obsession", which Kate Moss had been wearing during the photo shoot.

The elastic, a new type called "Superlastic" manufactured by Goodyear, was not formerly known to have any problems. Industrial chemist Dr. Freemont Flint speculates that a previously unknown type of catalytic reaction may be responsible.

A young man volunteered to baby-sit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back.

At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbour Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied,
"No".

Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, "I'm here Mom but he won't let me go home."